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“I’m six years old!” If you got a chance to see Bryson the last couple days this is what you would have heard. This boy loves everything to do with his birthday, so it has been a fun week. He took cupcakes to school on Wed. his Buckeye Birthday party on Friday, and the OSU/Michigan game on Saturday. I wish all of you could meet this boy someday. I know I am his mother, but he finds so much joy in life. Losing his leg a little over a year ago did nothing to change this and for that I am truly thankful. For Bryson’s birthday last year we all got him things that he could play with sitting down because he didn’t have a leg yet. The things we wanted to get him we didn’t because we knew he wouldn’t be able to use them yet. This birthday was different. He finally got a big boy bike which is amazing. One of the problems Bryson had this summer riding his bike with training wheels was that his prosthetic foot would fall off the front of the pedal so although he could pedal he couldn’t get very far. With his new bike there are guards on the front that keep his foot in, so this coming spring you will see us outside watching Bryson fall down while learning to ride his bike just like any other parent would do. Bryson also got his outdoor basketball hoop. He made the first basket he shot. I am sure this too will get a lot of use next summer. I am so thankful that we still get these moments with Bryson. We probably cherish them more now than we would have, if he had two real legs. For an update on Bryson’s health: He is doing amazing. He just had an appointment with the urologist and his orthopedic doctor. Both went really well and it was music to my ears to hear that we wouldn’t have to see either again for six months – yes! Our urologist has referred us now to another doctor. I think it is called an endocrinologist. For those of you who don’t know what they will do, like myself, this doctor will be checking his hormone levels. Because of the initial damage Bryson had on his private areas they will need to be watching these levels especially as he hits puberty. I am just glad they are taking initiative to watch these areas already. As far as his prosthetic goes, 7 months since we got his leg and it is time to have it resized. He is really limping right now and doesn’t run as smoothly because of it. We have an appointment to have it looked at in early December which should help things. Update on the girls – ornery and cute as ever. The other day we took them to the hospital to visit my old pastor. I was so proud of them and realize how much Bryson being in the hospital really affected them. They are not strange to hospital beds, rooms, or all of the tubes at all. Most kids are scared to death in hospital rooms, but Kennedy got up in the bed and sat with my pastor and held his hands for at least 5 minutes. It always amazes me how God uses all these experiences to shape all of us, even a two and three year old. Beau is busy, busy, busy, with the youth group and now reffing basketball and I am busy getting ready for the holidays. One thing I told my mom the other day is that even thought Bryson’s accident was over a year ago I still feel like I am behind on everything. For a good 6 months our lives revolved around doctors appointments and I just always feel like I am trying to keep my head above water. There has been a lot of stress in our lives, so Beau and I have finally decided to simplify our lives. We have now made strict rules about how many weekends a month we can be gone from home and how many evenings we can be gone a week. Hopefully, these changes will give me a chance to get things done like spring cleaning, going through kids clothes, organizing pictures, etc. Now concerning the game Bryson went to on Saturday. Amazing. The first thing Bryson said to me on Saturday morning was, “I get to go to the Ohio State/Michigan game today.” I knew Bryson would enjoy going to the game but I really had no idea how much he would enjoy it. I thought 4 quarters was a lot for a six year old to sit through – but not for Bryson. Either Beau or I, mostly Beau, had to hold him up the whole game because he didn’t want to miss a thing. We would try to sit down during time outs, but the whole time he was worried he was missing something. The people around us could not believe how into the game Bryson was. He knew which players were doing what, he knew that first downs were good, he knew when to yell for defense, and he knew when we did something good on offense or on defense. Bryson gave a lot of high fives to the fans around us. I don’t think Coach Tressel and his wife will ever know how much these tickets actually meant to Bryson. Even I never dreamed how much fun Bryson would have at the game. At one point during the game Bryson said, “I sure wish Ellen Tressel could see me.” I thought that was so cute. We told him where the tickets came from so I guess that is why he thought he needed to see her. One of the best parts of the game for me, besides the fact that we slaughtered All I can say now is, isn’t our God AWESOME! (As soon as I get a chance to get through all of the pictures I took this weekend I will post a link here where you can view the.) 10/17/08 Friday 10:30am It's really strange how things have changed over the last 14 months. At the beginning I couldn't get away from the computer. So much was changing and it was amazingly therapeutic. Now I can't get myself to the computer. It's not that I don't have enough time to write, just not that much is going on. Bryson is well into school and is doing amazing. Gym class is the only remote struggle. He gets frustrated that he can't score in soccer but I told him that his daddy never scored either because I played defense and that's just as important. He's also playing kickball and is frustrated that he always gets out. Combine the evolving coordination of a 5 year old with a dominant leg that is now a prosthetic and you've got complications. Nicole was amazing and took the initiative of working with Bryson by playing kickball one evening earlier this week. We've got a ways to go yet. At the risk of this seeming like a real bummer of an update, you should see this kid tear around the house on his leg. He really is running now (two feet in stride off the ground at the same time) and running well. He's still not up to speed wiht his sister yet (his goal), but he's a lot closer now than before. Our most recent activity has been to get the kids into swim lessons after school. That's right, I said "kids". Bryson and his sisters (Reagan 3, Kennedy 2) are in the pool together. Kennedy loves being in the water, Reagan is completely immersing her head, and Bryson is pretty much flotation device free. And I don't believe I have mentioned this yet, but it is official, we did recieve an email from Ellen Tressel, Ohio State Coach Jim Tressel's wife confirming that Bryson, Nicole, and I will be attending the Ohio State/Michigan game a week after Bryson's 6th birthday in late November. Bryson is stoked (and so are mommy and daddy). Beau
I have wanted to let all of you know what has happened with Bryson and school since that first day, but the last two weeks got a little crazy. The day after I wrote the last update I did call Bryson’s teacher. She told me that she did see the incident that I spoke about in the previous update and spoke with the little boy that told Bryson he couldn’t play tag. It was very assuring to me that she saw the incident and took care of it. It did not take away the hurt, but it made me feel better about sending him to school again. Especially with kids, I have always felt like if you don’t address the situation right when it happens it won’t be as effective. After speaking with Bryson’s teacher I was sure that the little boy was not trying to be mean, but really didn’t know what Bryson could do. His teacher told me that the kids in his class were making comments during the day like “Bryson, hurry up,” and “why do we always have to wait on Bryson.” She said that she explained everything to them and I really feel like she has handled everything great. I am so glad I called his teacher and I know that he will be taken care of at school. Let’s just say I do more praying for him during the day when I think about him, but I do feel better. The next day Bryson went to school I asked him if anybody told him he couldn’t play that day and he said no. He even told me that the little boy from the previous day was nice to him that day and is now his friend. Don’t you just love kids and how quickly they get over things like this? It makes me even more thankful that his accident happened at the age he was so that he will have lots of tools to deal with these situations in the future. On the days that have followed Bryson has gotten to share with the class the children’s book he has about a kid with a prosthetic. I think this was good for him as well as for his class. He said, “Mom, now they know I can run and they even said I could dance.” A few other notes about Bryson in school: He loves Gym class!! They have walked backwards, skipped, raced, walked sideways, and learned how to do real pushups. I was impressed when Bryson did one the correct way for us at home. He also loves lunch and recess, but never eats much at lunch. He says he will never get to be the line leader, but I keep reminding him that he has only been in school about 5 times. He has told me stories about a kid spilling his milk and a kid accidentally hitting him in the head with a rock. I love all of this though because he sounds like such a normal kid with normal joys and normal complaints. It is much better than hearing about somebody telling him he can’t do something because of his leg. Oh and I did want to tell you all that since we got Bryson’s leg back from the prosthetist he has much more movement in it. It bends so easy and he is so close to actually running. You will be so impressed with him if/when you get to see him next. At first, the extra movement made him fall a lot but he seems to be getting used to it now. Thank you for your prayers and please continue to pray for us as parents that we deal with these situations in the right way, pray for Bryson that he reacts in the right way to these situations, and pray for the kids in the class as they learn about kids with different needs than their own. I have been reminded during this time that these hurts are important to God and feels them as real as what we feel them and probably even more. He has a son that was mocked and even beaten. If you would like to see pictures of Bryson’s first day of school you can click on this link of an album I created on my facebook. www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=7120&l=a99e6&id=1181721142 Nicole
Let’s just say, I was looking forward to this day at least all summer long. I think I was even more excited than Bryson was about his first day of school. Some mothers cry when their little ones go to kindergarten the first time, but not me. I was just too excited for him to get on the bus in the morning and then for him to get off the bus afterwards telling me all about his day. The day did start out perfectly. Bryson looked handsome in his red polo shirt and plaid shorts. He had his Jimmie Johnson backpack on with his baseball lunch box inside filled with his favorite lunch. We took lots of pictures and he smiled for them all. The bus came and he was literally giddy with excitement. He got on the bus all by himself and we saw him find a seat and then he was off. Besides his sisters crying because he left and Reagan saying, “I want my Bryson back,” it was just a perfect morning. We even hopped in the van and parked across the school so we could see Bryson get off the bus and line up with his class. It was all too cute. (Hopefully, we will get some pictures posted soon of this because it was cute!) During the day my girls played so good together, took great naps, and I was able to get some work done. When I thought of Bryson during the day I prayed for him. To tell you the truth the only thing I was worried about was that he would treat his teacher and classmates nice, but that’s it because I knew he would love school. When And that’s when the perfect day ended… I don’t remember exactly how the conversation started, but it came around to this. I was trying to ask Bryson more questions about recess, like who he played with and what they played. Then he told me everybody played tag, but he didn’t. I asked him why he didn’t play tag and he said that a boy (who I won’t mention his name but he remembers) told him that he could not play. He said the boy told him he could not play because of his new leg. My heart instantly broke and even as I type this it still makes me cry and makes my heart just ache. I asked Bryson what he did then (trying to hold back the tears) and he said he didn’t play and went under the slide and played with the rocks. I asked him if anybody came to play with the rocks with him, but he said no. He said the boy was mean to him. I went on to tell Bryson what he should do the next time somebody tells him that he can’t play because of his leg and later on in the evening we practiced what he would say. You see, I am trying to handle this the right way, but I’m not sure exactly how that is. I know that I cannot protect Bryson from every mean person, but I never expected this sort of thing would happen on his first day of Kindergarten. As Beau said, “our worst fears came true today.” I guess tomorrow I will try to call his teacher and just make her aware of what went on, but I know that she can’t control everything either. I even realize that this boy probably isn’t a bad or mean boy. He probably really didn’t think Bryson could play tag. But, I’m not sure I will ever handle it very well if somebody tells me that my son can’t do something because of his leg. Later on in the evening I asked Bryson if he wanted to play tag and he said no because he can’t run with his new leg. (How quickly kids can become convinced of something!) I told him he could run with his new leg, but that he just needed to practice more. Then after playing baseball with Dad we all played a game of tag and Bryson had a ball. Please pray for me as I work up the desire to send him back to school on Wednesday. I know he will be excited to go again, but now this mother has something to worry about. Please pray for Bryson that he will learn the right way to deal with people when they tell him he can’t do something or they make fun of him. Pray for me as I talk to his teacher tomorrow. (I really just want to make her aware so that maybe she can inform the kids that Bryson can do everything they can do.) And please pray for all of us that we would heal from this hurt. We have so many positive things happen lately with Bryson’s surgery going so well and getting his prostheses back, but this is a huge bump in the road for me. To be honest, Bryson is just somber when he talks about it, but as his parents, Beau and I are crushed. All we can ask is that you continue to pray for us and if you have kids that come in contact with Bryson just inform them that he can still do the things that they do. Nicole 8/23/08 Saturday 10:00pm Columbus and back. Columbus to Wooster and back. That was Thursday and Friday and we are done. The orthopedic surgeon said that his leg looked great, see you in 3 months. The urologist took a look at Bryson's ziggy and he said he it turned out better than even he could have expected. Now it's one thing when we think his ziggy looks remarkably normal, but when the specialist who deals with these things as a career! Now the catheter is out but Bryson is still struggling with pain so much so that he dreads having to go to the restroom. We still need to keep an eye on things. As for his leg, you can tell Bryson hasn't been on it in a while. He's falling quite a bit and complains about how heavy it is. But here's the cool thing. This Monday will be Bryson's first day of school--and I can't tell you how incredibly thrilled he is to get on "Bus #17"--and we were told that for show and tell he's supposed to bring something red and you'll never guess what wants to bring...HIS LEG! How cool is that? And what an incredible way to break the ice with this classmates about his leg. On Friday night, Bryson and I closed the night the same way we always do. After bath, teeth, and pjs, we read our Bible and close in prayer. Now you have to understand, Bryson has his prayer scripted from beginning to end which includes his extended family (parents, sisters, grandparents, uncles, and cousins...and himself), James Laurenaitis (Ohio State football player who visited him at the hospital), and Jimmy Johnson (his favorite NASCAR driver whose team my uncle works for)...EVERY NIGHT! Included in this prayer, he prays for his leg and ziggy to get better. When we got to the point about his ziggy, I stopped and said "Bryson, we don't have to pray for your ziggy to get better anymore. It is better. Tonight we need to say 'Thank you' to Jesus for making your ziggy better." Bryson got a big smile on his face, closed his eyes and said, "and thank you, Jesus, for making my ziggy better." Maybe he still doesn't quite get the fullness of what all has happend this past year--how God's hand has been on him. But at least he's got a taste. Beau 8/17/08 Sunday 11:30pm I was sitting at a small round table. Music surrounded me as a man with a guitar led the group in some singing at our local coffee house. Every so often I would break out into singing as I sat reviewin my notes. In a few minutes I was going to teach the Bible lesson for the local young adult worship service. One song ended and the next song began and the following words were sung: As I sung those words my song got louder and louder as I reflected on God's amazing love that he has shown me. I looked at my watch...and my song stopped. It was 8:20...and I couldn't stop crying. It was almost exactly 1 year ago to the moment that I saw my boy with two legs for the last time. It had been months since I shed a tear, a few months more that I last relived that evening, and a month or two longer that I sobbed uncontrollably. I stopped singing and sliped into a back room to try to gather myself before I shared with the gatherd crowd of worshippers. But since I couldn't keep my eyes of my watch, I couldn't stop crying. 8:25. Was I bathing my girls? 8:30. Here comes my brother-in-law screaming down the hallway...my life is no longer the same. As returned to the back table, awaiting my time to teach, I relieved every moment: every horrific, terrifying...beautiful moment. My lesson was scrapped and a testimony ensued. As I sat before the crowed of silent young adults who no doubt felt awkward seeing my bloodshot eyes and wet face from tears, I began with this statement of Jesus in Matthew 28:20 - "I am with you always, even to the end of the age." That has been my year. I tell everyone who asks that this has been the most difficult and, at the same time, the most WONDERFUL year of my life. I've seen tragedy and I've seen God at work. Though the 1 hour drive from Marion General Hospital to Columbus Childrens was the longest, loneliest ride as my wife was with my son above being life-flighted. It was petrifying sitting in the corner of the waiting room crying over the decision to have Bryson's leg cut off. It was absolute misery after telling the doctors to cut off my boy's leg. It was an extended moment of feeling forsaken trying futily to sleep on the cramped couch in the PICU though completely exhausted. It was painful watching nurses again and again poking and prodding Bryson with needles and him scream at his physical therapist as they tried to get him to stand with a walker. But never once were we alone. Through this tragedy, God has done some amazing things. He has shown me that where there is undying love, there is nothing anyone can do to pull a marriage or family apart. Nicole and I and our entire extended family has grown closer than ever before. He's shown me how important the church is and how incredibly helpless we would have felt without their support when at 1am that first night 5 of our good friends from church found babysitters in the middle of the night and made the 2 hour trip just to be with us for an hour and the emails we still get from people we never met expressing encouragment and prayer support. God's shown how he can take horrific circumstances and use them to change lives such as through this website with around 800,000 hits, and over 300,000 the first week from locations worldwide. And that Bryson's story can be used in Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel's new book on page 26 and 27 (though never mentioning his name exactly) allowing thousands of readers to see how reaching out to people in need not only changes the lives of those people, but your life as well. God has proved Himself true when He promised in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that I'd "never be tempted beyond what [I] can bear." Had you asked me last year if I could handle holding my sons bleeding leg together or found strength to face the uncertain future of my son and his ability to function athletically, be made fun of at school, whether or not he'd ever have kids, I would have guaranteed you I couldn't do it...but that hasn't been the case. As I shared my story with that crowd at the cafe, I professed that though I stopped singing of God's love the moment I began reliving the accident, it was but for a moment. I will continue to sing of God's love both for the rest of my life and for all of eternity since death will only seperated me from those I love for a short time but will never seperate me from my God. So with much gratitude I say to all who are reading this: Thank you. Thank you for reading, praying, loving, and encouraging. But I hope that through these updates and events of the past year, you've not become near as enamored with Bryson or our family as you have with the God of the universe who not only created you but is walking with you each day with an undying, unshakable, unconditional love. Thanks to you for your support. THANKS TO GOD FOR HIS LOVE. Beau Sunday 8/10/08 2:30pm Surgery went great! At 7:30am Thursday morning we were on the road...9:30 at the hospital...12:00pm he went into surgery, and at 3:30 (yes, 3.5 hours later) Bryson emerged with a repaired ziggy. It took the boy quite a while to recover so we could return home. Bryson was absolutely exhaused and, once awake, he tried so hard to to take the medicine (I mean we tried hard) and to keep his pop down. All these variables combined and we didn't leave the hospital till around 6:30pm. His first night at home went incredibly well, in part because we were able to get his medicine in pill form which we crushed and slipped into his pop, koolade, or applesauce...not that we were super successfu, just successful enough. Night 2 was a different story, though. Between the hours of 1-3am. Bryson was up three times SCREAMING from the pain. We were finally able to subdue him the third time and get him to drink some spiked Diet Coke (spiked with his meds...what kind of father do you think I am?). So heres the plan from here on out. A week from Thursday, Bryson has an 8:15 appointment with the orthopedic surgeon to see how his leg is healing. (During the surgery they took out that stitch that continues to get infected.) Friday, then, Nicole will take Bryson to Columbus to see the urologist at which time he will get his catheter. Then Bryson will head up to Wooster to get his prosthesis back--the leg was damaged on our tip to the beach where it got salt water and sand in it, causing it to no longer be able to bend. The good new is we arranged Bryson's follow-ups so that he wouldn't miss Kindergarden orientation on Wednesday. The bad news is he will miss the first day of Kindergarden on Friday...so much for perfect attendance :) Thanks so much for your prayers...the boy is doing so well. Wednesday, August 6 4:00 pm Bryson has surgury on his penis tomorrow morning. Please keep him in your prayers throughout the day. Tuesday 7/22/08 11:30pm As my wife frantically tries to get ahead on her work, get laundry done, and get our bags packed before we head off on vacation tomorrow afternoon, it's due time to clue you in on what's been happening and what will be happening here very soon. Bryson finished up his second set of swimming lessons a few weeks ago and exceeded our wildest imaginations. When I told an outspoken 7 year old boy that Bryson was swimming, he asked, "What does Bryson do, swim in circles?" O, he does so much more. By the end of his lessons, Bryson was swimming the length of the pool (25 yards) twice without any type of floatation device. Needless to say, this amazing kid is being promoted to the next level of classes. We've been having so much fun with him this summer. He's constantly active outside and when outside he's got a one track mind. "Let's play baseball." "Can we play baseball." "Mom, dad won't play baseball with me." This is all we ever hear! He's learning to hit a pitched baseball from about 15 feet away (though the ball has to be pitched toward his bat) and is learning to catch a baseball (though the ball has to be thrown in the general vicinity of his glove). But he just glows (and so does his daddy). This morning, Nicole made a quick trip to Columbus (well, not really quick) with Bryson to see Dr. Kean, our orthopedic surgeon, to check on that infected stitch in his residual limb. Here's the plan, Bryson goes in for his penis reconstruction surgery on August 7. Either Dr. Kean, one of his associates, or Dr. Alpert (who is doing the reconstruction) will do the quick 1 minute procedure of removing that infected stitch. Which brings us to the last and most important part of this update. Please, if you could, begin praying for Bryson as he prepares for surgery in a little over 2 weeks and that he might be healed up in time for school to start. And pray for Nicole and I as we learn to move ahead with Bryson wearning a catheter for the following week or two. Thanks so much. Beau Monday 6/23/08 11:00pm A few things to catch you all up on. Last Friday we did double duty on our trip to Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus. By 11:45 we were at the urologist's office. We sat there for a good 45 minutes before seeing the doctor, so the two of us sat looking out of the 6th story window playing I spy...FOREVER. Finally Dr. Alpert took a look at Bryson's ziggy and was pleased with how well it had healed over the past 10 months. When we finished, I filled out some pre-surgery paperwork and was told to expect a phone call this week to line up a surgery to repair Bryson's penis for the end of August/first of September. Needless to say, they called today while Nicole and I were both out of the house. So by tomorrow night we should know what's going on. At 12:55pm, Bryson and I tore out of the office, hurried down the elevator, ran to car (with Bryson on my shoulders), and made the less than 1 mile trek to the orthopedic surgeons office for our 1pm appointment. The point of the appointment was just to have Dr. Keane check out Bryson's leg to see if the infection on Bryson's leg was healing ok because, frankly, we couldn't tell. As far as he could tell, the doctor seemed to think the leg was healing well. He said that in 2-3 weeks, if the infection which appeared as a bump, hadn't completely disappeared, to let him know so that when Bryson goes in for his surgery, Dr. Keane could slip in to clean out the infection. I'll let you know as soon as I have more information for Bryson's upcoming surgery. Beau
As we approach the summer I am beginning to feel like the nightmare of this past year is over. I would say we have accepted the life which God has chosen for us to go down now and so we keep moving forward. Still not preferring this path that God has led us on, but knowing now more than ever before that he is on that path with us and will fulfill his purpose through it. Like many of you we are busy just living life right now. Busy with swim lessons, gardening, preparing for vacation, graduation parties, Vacation Bible school starting, and just enjoying life outdoors. The wonderful part is not being so busy with appointments right now. We have a PT appointment scheduled in June, a Urology appointment in July, surgery in August, and an orthopedic appointment in Oct, but from what we have come from this year that seems very doable! So, about Bryson’s leg…the infected spot on his leg is slowly healing right now and so Bryson does not get to wear his prosthetic. The other day Bryson was upset because I wouldn’t let him wear his leg. He was whining, “I can’t play baseball with one leg, you need two to do that.” His reaction made me both happy and sad. Sad that we couldn’t put the leg on him, but happy that he sees the benefit of his prosthetic and the boy who used to cry when we put it on him is now asking for it. I am hoping by the end of the week his leg will be totally healed and that he can start wearing his prosthetic again. This would be a prayer request for him. A special moment happened the other day after swim lessons. One of the little boys in Bryson’s class asked him where his leg was. I think the boy’s mother was a little embarrassed by her son’s question but I assured her it was fine. Bryson didn’t hear the boy so I told Bryson to come back and tell the boy what happened to his leg. Bryson said, “My leg is in heaven.” I was so amazed by Bryson’s response and was thrilled that some of the things we have been trying to tell him must be sinking in. When Bryson used to ask for his old leg back we told him that when he got to heaven that Jesus would give him his old leg back. Bryson did proceed to tell the boy all of the details of his accident – probably too much and I hope he didn’t scare the boy to death. Another neat thing happened after that conversation. The boy’s mom told me that her church in his A couple of weeks ago I got to share Bryson’s story and the things God was teaching me through all of this at a Mother and Daughter Banquet at the church I grew up in. The theme of the banquet was God’s surprises. My aunt asked me to sing a song after I spoke and the words really spoke to me. I would love to leave you with the words of this song and maybe it will mean something to you. The song is called “God speaking” and is off of Mandisa’s CD. (You can listen to the song online if you want to on her website.) Have you ever heard a love song that set your spirit free? Have you ever watched a sunrise and felt you could not breathe? What if it’s Him? What if it’s God speaking? Have you ever cried a tear that you could not explain? Have you ever met a stranger who already knew your name? What if it’s Him? What if it’s God speaking? Chorus: Who knows how He’ll get ahold of us? Get our attention to prove He is enough? He’ll do and He’ll use whatever He wants to To tell us, “I love you.” Have you ever lost a loved one who you thought should still be here? Do you know what it feels like to be tangled up in fear? (side note: this is me!) What if He’s somehow involved? What if He’s speaking through it all? Chorus His ways are higher. His ways are better. Though sometimes strange What could be stranger than God in a manager? Who knows how He’ll get ahold of you? Get your attention to prove He is enough? He’ll do and He’ll use whatever he wants to To tell us, “I love you.” God is speaking, “I love you.” I have really felt God’s love throughout all of this and realize more and more how much other people need to feel His love. May you feel God speaking, “I love you” to you today. Nicole Sunday 5/18/ Last summer Bryson was growing so much and the thing he loved the most...without questions...was swimming. A lot has changed since last summer...BUT NOT HIS ABILITY TO SWIM! Last Monday we took Bryson to his first swimming lessons at the Wooster YMCA. We struggled at first with some decisions related to group or private lessons and what level? We just didn't know how much he might have regressed because of the leg loss. Well, we picked the right level and we chose well in getting group lessons. Nicole took him to his first two last week. From the two lessons, I only remember one story...and it's the best one. At the end of the lesson last Wednesday, the instructor wanted all the kids to take turns going off the diving board. The first time off, the instructor took Bryson (as they did with all the kids) to the end of the board and lowered him into the water. The next time they were on their own. Bryson climbed up the ladder and slowly made his way to the end of the board where he sat down...too terrified to jump in. That's when came just the motivation from mom he needed: "Bryson, you're supposed to listen to your instructor. If you don't listen you your instructor and jump in, no more swim lessons." (My wife has such a way with words:) After jumping in all by himself, and surfacing again (he wears a floating device around his waist), he yelled out, "I want to do it again, and again, and again." Three more times he crawls up the ladder and took off hopping down the diving board...it was quite a sight. The board was at least He's so excited about going to swim lessons again tomorrow. We've had an appointment with our plastic surgeon since last I wrote. He thought everything looked good for the most part. There is a place on his leg where a stitch was left in from a previous surgery. It has never been a problem and no doctor really paid any attention to it saying it would eventually dissolve. Now, a good five months after the procedure, the area around the stitch is infected. It looks like a massive zit the size of a pea and it's becoming painful for Bryson. So Tuesday morning, Nicole will be taking the boy to see the orthopedic surgeon to take care of it. It's not a major procedure...it's not even a surgery. He's just going to the doctor's office to have it taken care of...I just hope it's not too painful of a process...definitely worth your prayers. Beau Alright already here's an update! BRYSON IS AMAZING! Seriously, there is really nothing he can't do with this new leg of his. He's up and down stairs on his own. We play baseball outside and he walks really fast around the base path after each hit. As long as he can maintain his balance after each swing, he's regained his sweet golf swing. When at Grandma and Grandpa Humme's house, he plays basketball and when at the Osborne's you'll always, ALWAYS, find him playing ping pong with papa. And when all is said and done, he pops that leg off all by himself. It's still an adjustment for us all, though. Oddly, it's a tough adjustment for me to remember that when we go to the store, he can walk and doesn't have to be strapped into a cart. Bryson's one frustration is that Reagan can beat the snot out of him, take off running, and he can't catch her yet. A few weeks ago Bryson had an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. The result: his leg is doing great. As the doctor predicted, Bryson's femur is trying to grow which, in a while will require another surgery to smooth things over. That is nowhere in the near future. Just come back in six months was all Dr. Kean asked. On the physical therapy front, there's really little more that needs to be said than I really only need to see him once a month. Oh, she also said we really need to look into getting Bryson an athletic leg because he's so active. During the next month or so we'll get in touch with our prosthetic and insurance companies and let you know what we find. And when it comes to athletic legs, have you seen the latest issue of ESPN the Magazine? On the cover is a picture of a little league player with TWO prosthetic legs and the feature article has picture after picture of bionic athletes, encouraging to say the least! Last of all, Nicole and I would like you to pray for someone a friend of our sister-in-law brought to our attention. Last Tuesday, Jadelyn Kendall, a 5 year old girl from the Beau 4/12/08 Saturday 2:30pm I've been wanting to write this for 3 days now! It's so exciting! Wednesday at 3pm Bryson had his first physical therapy session at Akron Children's Hospital. When our therapist Meghan finally arrived, we got Bryson up with his walker and made our way to the PT area which was filled with balls and games. During the walker walk of about 150 feet, Meghan kept commenting on how good Bryson was doing and asking how long he's had his leg. When we arrived in the PT area, Meghan took Bryson's leg off and checked his residual limb and had Bryson do some flexibility and strength testing to see what she was working with. "Do you want to play soccer?" she asked Bryson. I hesitated thinking this kid harly can walk. He maybe took 4 steps at a time the day before, but nothing more. I hesitated...Bryson didn't. "SURE!" She got him up on his feet, sat a beach ball in front of him. Bryson wound up and took a swipe with his new leg...and pulled off a great kick. He couldn't regain his balance and tumbled to the floor. We were distracted from the big smile on his face when Meghan said, "I think I'm going to cry. He's doing so well." After 10 minutes of soccer, they tried a flight of 5 steps which Bryson easily made his way up and down holding merely the handrail. Next, it was down a ramp about 15 feet long. Bryson struggled contolling his leg down the slope which Meghan told us should be expected...but up the slope was no problem. In a nutshell, Meghan was in awe with what she saw. "I didn't know what to expect," she said. I just figured we'd be starting on the parallel bars today learning how to take steps. For only five days with a leg, BRYSON IS MONTHS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE!" Yeah, you heard me, MONTHS, not days or weeks. So when it came to scheduling, we were stunned to hear that she didn't want therapy 2-3 times a week but once every other week! (I'm still stunned to be writing this.) What she said is that Bryson doesn't need any special training, he just needs to get use to feeling his leg on different surfaces. "Get him elbow pads, knee pads, and a helmet and let him walk on different surfaces." MONTHS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE! God is good. Beau 4/4/08 Friday 7:15pm This entire week we've been preparing Bryson for Friday. Since Monday or Tuesday we've been asking, "What happens on Friday Bryson?" He soon got the answer of "I'll get my new leg" down pat and eventually expressed sincere excitement about getting the leg. But with little hesitation, he would always...and I mean ALWAYS...follow up the answer with, "But it's blue like Michigan. We don't like Michigan. I want a red leg." We had been planning our strategy for what we were going to do about that blue leg. You must understand, he was really concerned! We mentioned our concern to the doctor who said he'd attempt to find a red piece but made no promises. Frankly, we weren't even sure he remembered. So in preparation for a blue leg, we suggested everything from paint, to stickers, to tape. So you can imagine the pure joy that filled Bryson's eyes as the doctor opened up the door with Bryson's leg in hand and Bryson IMMEDIATELY notice and screamed out, "IT'S RED! IT'S RED!" Bryson lept off Nicole's lap and took off hopping down the hall behind the doctor to the exam room to get his leg. What a relief Nicole and I to see how incredibly excited he was. When we got into the room, the expected happened. As the doctor prepared to put the tight gel wrap on Bryson's leg, Bryson flipped out. He remembered how tight it was from the past and even though he spoke calmly about it on the ride up, the tears flowed and shrill screams filled the office. After convincing Bryson to let Nicole put the wrap on, the agony continued. Nicole took Bryson on her lap and got out an activity book for Bryson to play with stickers to get his mind off the wrap. The wrap isn't painful, it's just tight and, in Bryson's case, different than what he's use to. And different is incredibly hard for a boy who lives by routine. And in the case of a prosthesis, tight is important. Tight helps his residual limb fit properly in his new leg so that his leg won't hurt and so his leg doesn't spin around. It's just a matter of becoming use to it. Finally, with the leg completely on, it didn't' take a moment for him to want to walk. First he had to pull his pants up over the leg. We tried to get him to do it but it was understandably difficult...especially since he can't point the toes on his new leg (they're constructed in an immoveable 90 degree angle). But with leg on and pants up, he once again took steps with the help of the doctor. After a quick lesson on how to care for the leg...actually, there's really nothing to caring for the leg itself which is built to handle almost anything from water to dirt and sand (great for any kid) but we do need to clean out his gel wrap in the bath with him each night...we went took him to the van. When we sat him in the van, Nicole asked Bryson if he could bend his leg so it wasn't sticking straight out . Bryson whacked his leg with his hand making it fall limp and said, "Sure." Nicole and I just had to laugh. We followed with trip to Wal-Mart to get his bribe...er...surprise for being good. (That would be one more car to his monstrous collection of vehicles from the Disney/Pixar movie CARS.) After he handed his car to the cashier, I had to giggle as he called out to this cashier-in-training, "Look at my new leg," as he pulled up his pants. What was I supposed to do? I knew how proud my son was and I knew how uncomfortably is 19-year-old-ish boy was going to be...so I looked the cashier in the eyes and said, "My son wants you to look at his leg." Let's just say he was a wee bit uncomfortable. After a glance, he just gave me the price as though nothing had happen. I was so afraid Bryson was going to demand that he look at his leg again and make a comment, but once he got the car in his hands, his mind raced off to Radiator Springs (the name of the town in the movie). Several months ago I watched a fundraiser type show/30 minute commercial for St. Jude Hospital where the were showing a 10 year old boy take his first steps with his prosthetic leg. I just sobbed and said to my parents who were sitting in the room with me, "I just know I'm going to cry when Bryson takes his first steps. You know what (and those of you who know me best...especially students in my youth group...aren't going to believe this), I didn't shed one tear. I can't because I'm so proud of that boy. It's now almost 7:15, 4 hours since he put his leg on, and he STILL hasn't taken it off. He's so proud of it (primarily because it's Ohio State Buckeye red) and beams and he walks around Nicole's parents house with a walker. I can't even get mad at him when, while sitting in the van, he tries to reach across the aisle to kick his sister with his new leg...it's actually incredibly funny because even with a real leg, there is no way he could reach his right leg across the aisle on his left to get Reagan. I'm just excited because it's already becoming a part of him. His leg by no means defines who he is, but it is unquestionably shaping the man he's becoming. Thank you so so much to all of you who are part of our immediate and extended family, Walnut Creek Mennonite Church family, extended church family, blog family who've been praying for us as we approached this moment. Thanks also to the many of you who are a part of our blog family who've been offering up prayers a God that you're not even sure exists or whom you even believe in...because I know He hears you. I just hope someday each of you gets to meet this boy in person because the love you see in his eyes is no fluke, no accident, and not even the result of good parenting (we've had our share to deal with, too)...he is the result of the work of God in the world. God's work is not yet finished in Bryson...physically as we begin waking up each day to try to convince him to put his leg back on and as we begin physical therapy next Wednesday afternoon (3pm) and spiritually has Bryson discovers the infinite love of Jesus who died for Bryson so there would be a purpose to his life that not only superceds the loss of a limb, but is infinitely enhanced by a perceived disability. You're prayers are treasures...as is Bryson and all of you Creator of the world and His Son, Jesus. Beau 3/20/08 Thursday 12:00pm Friday 3/14/08 3:00pm "Were you strugglin' there, Beau?" Nicole asked. "What did you expect?" I responded. BRYSON TOOK HIS FIRST STEPS! So things began in traumatic fashion. As we walked in the room, there sat the leg standing all by itself in the middle of the floor. "Are are you scared?" Nicole asked Bryson. "No, I'm just really nervous." Putting the sleeve on once again which is incredibly tight enticed the screams--not just sobs, screams--from Bryson. Once he got calmed down and comfortable a few minutes later, on went the leg...and on went the screams, again. He was scared, but also uncomfortable. When the leg went on initially, the plastic upper part of the leg was too large so it was putting pressure on his "ziggy." After the fitting and a few more measurements, the doctor left the room to trim the plastic down. And when he returned again, on went the leg and then the doctor uttered the most nerve-wracking question of all: "Do you want to try to walk?" "SURE!" Up went Bryson and with the aid of the doctor, small steps began. Bryson's first problem was the huge concern that his right shoe wasn't lighting up! He was concerned it was the wrong shoe, but he just wasn't putting any pressure on that foot. But when he got the shoe lit up, he got new life and on with more steps. And then a new discovery....getting the knee to bend...that's a whole different skill in itself and as I'm trying to write this I can't really recall in order to tell you. 10 minutes of steps and huge smiles. O, another problem: the metal part of the leg itself (check out the picture and see if you can tell what the problem is). Yup...it's blue. It's a MICHIGAN leg. Needless to say, the doctor will be looking for a red one or, worst case scenerio, we'll just take some sandpaper to it and make the leg silver. (These are important things to our boy...he pointed it out himself!) So here are the next steps: In a week in a half the leg will be ready to take home. The current plastic top is actually just the mold that will be used to make a much softer and more flexible plastic top in order to provide maximum comfort with sufficient support. Then we'll begin the therapy. Where at? We aren't sure yet...but we'll keep you informed. But celebrate with us today...I hope your smile is as big as Bryson's was. Beau
3/13/08 Thursday 5:30pm
Surprise for us We were a little bummed last week because we did not have an appointment made for Bryson to be fitted for his prosthetic. We were even more bummed that we could not get his next appointment scheduled until next Friday. Well today we were surprised. The prosthetic company asked us if we could do Bryson’s appointment tomorrow morning. I have been blessed with a mother-in-law who will be able to watch the girls on a moments notice like this and so we will be going to the appointment tomorrow morning. Oddly enough, for tomorrow’s appointment it will be a little weird because we will be taking Bryson’s other shoe to the appointment. The hope is that they will be able to get Bryson standing up on both legs. I am excited about this appointment, but at the same time extremely nervous. I am not unlike any other mother who does not like to see her child in tears because they are scared or because something hurts and not be able to do anything about it. Please pray for us as we go to this appointment. Pray that Bryson would be relaxed about the appointment, pray that God would give me the right words tonight as I try to explain to Bryson what his appointment will be like, pray that the uncomfortable feelings or pain that the prosthetic may cause will not outweigh the excitement Bryson feels about walking, pray that Beau and I will know how to act and react to the appointment tomorrow, and pray that the doctor ( I am not really sure of his official term, but to Bryson he is a “doctor”) will have wisdom as he deals with Bryson and tries to fit the prosthetic on Bryson. Someone asked recently about the girls so here is a short update on them. The girls are doing great. We finally have Reagan potty trained which is a huge benefit to our wallet! The girls don’t treat Bryson as though he is handicapped in anyway. Unfortunately Reagan sometimes uses it to her advantage. If he is hopping away from her with a toy that he has taken from her she simply pushes him down. She also though is the first one to go and get something for him if he asks. It may bother some of you that she pushes him, but I am glad we are at the point in our family again where they can act like brother and sister: play, tease, sometimes fight, and love each other. Kennedy well her biggest trick was climbing out of the crib, so now she has joined her sister in the girls room and they each have their own twin bed. It is too cute – sometimes. I say sometimes, because we haven’t figured out the trick yet to keeping them both in their beds instead of playing all night and from turning on the light and waking the other one up. After going through what we went through last summer though, these are all good problems to have. As far as spiritually goes for me here is where I am at. I am sure glad I have a whole host of people lifting our family up in prayer, because most of the time I struggle with that. I have no problem whispering quick prayers for others who are in need, but it is still hard to pray for my family. The other day I walked alone outside and decided that God & I would have a talk the whole way and it was the same thing again. I remember what happened during the accident, I tell God that I sure wished He would have healed Bryson, I assure God that I know He has a reason and that I know that I may never know the reason (as if He needs that assurance), but that I need to really feel His presence during all of this. Right now in my prayer life I have a hard time getting passed these conversations with God to talk about anything else. For me you could pray that God will help me except our circumstances, that I would feel more of His presence. I am sure He is ready for me to talk about something else or at least for me to stop talking and do more listening. J Nicole SundayTonight Nicole and I were working through our plans for this week when she asked me if we've heard back yet from Yanke Bionics about another appointment this week followed by the haunting question, "Did you do an update for our last appointment?" In another 10 minutes when this is over, I can give a yes. Last Tuesday morning we had our first real appointment with our prosthetic company...it wasn't fun. With the newness and strangeness of each new situation, every small detail is a HUGE deal for Bryson. This appointment was about one thing and one thing only. Underneath the plastic shell that he'll eventually put his leg in, there will be two other layers. Under the plastic will be something that is comparable to a thin sock and beneath that is a...well...a thing. (I'll try my best to describe it because I really don't know what it is called.) This "thing" is a very elastic tube that will fit snugly around Bryson's leg and eventually stretch to shape around his leg. It is closed on the bottom end with a piece of plastic that will eventually attach to the prosthetic. Now, inside this tube is anywhere between 1/4 and 1/2 inches of a sold gel-like substance with the thicker layers on the area of new skin. (Imagine making jello without adding a ton of water--it's wiggly, soft, but it's not going to fall apart.) The purpose is added comfort and protection for his leg. It comes in one size, so the doctor had to squeeze it on to Bryson's leg, mark it, take it off, cut it, put it on, mark it again, take it off, mark it, and put it on one last time to confirm the fitting. I know it doesn't seem like much--that's all the doctor did...for the entire hour--but the poor boy was traumatized. The fact that is the first time that anything more than an ace bandage had been on his leg (and that's be over a month ago, brought him to screams. We tried to distract him by playing games and bribing him with a gift if he was good but nothing worked. He just needed to be held and work through the change as this will be the first step each and every morning when he wakes up. But by the end of our time, he was wearing the tube and joking with the doctor. He even left with initiating a hug with the doctor. First steps. Next appointment, we'll be adding the clear plastic cover over Bryson's thigh which the doctor will eventually mold and if all the pieces are in (specifically the foot that has to be specially ordered), he might even get to stand. I'll fill you in sooner next time. Beau
2/23/08 Saturday 1:00pm I promised I'd get out an update Wednesday night/Thursday morning...I'm a little off and I apologize. Wednesday we had a great appointment with the urologist. First off, from the time we got to the hospital and returned to our vehicle, it was only 40 minutes (that in itself is a lot to get excited about) AND after all these trips, we just discovered a handicapped parking section right beside the entrance so we don't have to fight our way through the parking garage. (Little victories are so good to come by!) But for the news related to the appointment. Dr. Alpert and an associate of his examined Bryson as our boy was distracted by a movie. (GENIUS!) They brought a flat screen tv with a VHS player into the room and, as they examined his privates, Bryson was a gem. We did notice, though, that he has a new nervous habit. He never screamed, never complained to the doctors, but when he got nervous, he started playing with his residual limb. After a very brief exam, and the initial "things are looking really good" (which we don't take lightly), the doctor told us that he didn't want to perform the surgery until about one year from the accident to make sure all the swelling and inflammation was down. So we are to come for another check-up in June and from then we will set up a surgery in August or September. The surgery will either be outpatient or result in a one night stay which sure beats the week-long stay we assumed would be the result. The final thing he said was that he'd like to promise that this would be the only reconstruction surgery Bryson would have to experience, but he said he couldn't promise us it would be but he also said he couldn't promise us it wouldn't be. It could be the only procedure, but we won't know for years to come. He said with Bryson's growth and the stretching of skin, there is always a possibility 5/ 10/ 20 years from now that a hole, a leak might form which will result in another surgery. Us non-doctors can be amazing. With limited information are so good at developing our own diagnoses which can either make us made when the doctors say it's worse than we thought or happy when it's not as severe as we originally considered. I'm no physician. Science was my most difficult subject all through high school, yet I always thought the initial procedure would leave Bryson in the hospital for a week. And with all my medical knowledge, I just assumed it would take several if not many surgeries to reconstruct his "ziggy." It's hard to get a grasp around our limitations and it's pretty easy to, ultimately, hand it over to doctors who, though they are well schooled, still have just a finite grasp of the workings of the human body. If I'm so quick to turn things over to doctors who have a finite grasp of the human body, then why do I--why do any of us--struggle to hand things over to God who has an infinite understanding of the body because "He [God] created us, and we are His"? (Psalm 100:3) "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9) It's a good thing. I'll put my trust in You. Beau 2/19/08 Tuesday 10:15pm I'll make this one quick because there will probably be a whole lot more to write about tomorrow. Tomorrow morning at 9am, Nicole and I will being heading to Nationwide Children's Hospital with Bryson for an 11am appointment with his urologist. Actually, Bryson's "ziggy" doctor, Dr. Alpert, is actually brining in another urology special since Dr. Alpert has never seen a case so severe. At that appointment, if I remember correctly, they will determine one of two things: they will either set up two procedures where they will put Bryson under once to scope his privates and another time to perform the actual reconstruction or they will put him under once and do both procedures at one time. You'll get an update tomorrow evening...and your prayers are coveted. Needless to say, for Bryson, this will probably be a very uncomfortable (though not necessarily painful) appointment. Beau
I know it has been awhile since our last update, but really not much has been happening as far as Bryson is concerned and for that we are grateful. As far as the rest of us are concerned: Beau and I are busy doing the parenting thing and church things, Reagan is busy doing the potty training thing, and Kennedy is just busy doing her own thing.(that’s mainly trying to keep from getting tackled by her brother and trying to keep her sister from taking her toys.) Last week I had a few good reminders. My grandma Kennedy passed away last Wed on her 86th birthday. She had been very sick for awhile, but she was a Christian. I was reminded that as Christians we have heaven to look forward to and with that we know that our bodies and minds will be made perfect. If you knew my grandma and you know Bryson, then you’ll know how meaningful that is. Now I am updating you mainly as a prayer request and here it is. Tomorrow I will be taking Bryson to the Urologist at Nationwide Children’s hospital. There will be two doctors taking a very good look at Bryson, doing some measuring, and probably alot of pushing things around. I am nervous about Bryson’s reaction to all of this even though I have warned him. He is usually okay with doctors looking at him, but not so okay with doctors touching him. Pray that things will go smoothly in the appointment, that the doctors minds would be clear as to what they need to do in the surgery, and that we will get more details about the surgery. Thank you! Nicole
2/7/08 Thursday 12:15am "I know all you need and will give you all you need if you keep My commands and make the Kingdom your priority. So why worry about tomorrow...there is enough to worry about today." God has provided. This morning I received a phone call and found in my mail box a letter from the Bureau for Children with Medical Handicaps (BCMH) saying we've officially been approved...GOD IS GOOD! Ok, so we don't know where the money is going to come from for Bryson's medical needs after he turns twenty, but from August 17 last year, the day of the accident until the same date this year, everything is paid. Each year we keep applying until he turns 20, so as long as the church doesn't push my salary anywhere near the $100,000 mark (heavy on the sarcasm), we should be okay for the next 15 years. Also, Tuesday morning we visited a prosthetic company and determine on the spot that we were going with them: Yanke Bionics. He measured up Bryson's leg and said we'd be coming back once a week for the next 4 weeks until Bryson leaves with a leg and begins physical therapy. We're that close! Also, I got a phone call from the Urolgist's office. Dr. Alpert is out of town but once he returns next week, we'll get info on the next step which is either a scope or a scope and surgical procedure at the same time. Jesus' words or true, He does know all we need and is willing to give it...we just hope to keep up our end of the deal and obey Him, making the work of telling the world how desperately Jesus loves them--enough to die for them--keeping the Kingdom our priority. Beau
1/29/08 Tuesday 1:00pm GOOD NEWS!!! Bryson got done with his appointment with the orthopedic surgeon and his final words were (in a manner of speaking and in a much more professional way): Go get a leg! That's right: for the last month we've believed his bones were trying to regrow again and the membrane was pushing through the skin. It's so good to be wrong! The orthopedic surgeon said that it was just his bones so he's ready for a prosthetic. So here's the plan: 1. Nicole will call the urologist and let him know surgery isn't needed on Bryson's leg so we can move ahead with surgery on his ziggy. If I'm not mistaken, it will begin with an outpatient procedure where they will scope it out and see how things are healing on the inside. 2. We'll set an appointment with Yanke Orthodics to meet the doctor that would work with Bryson if we'd go with that company. (This could have been done a few months ago. I'll take the fall for this one.) 3. CHOOSE A COMPANY AND GET BRYSON BACK ON TWO FEET! It's hard to believe I'm saying that. That will be followed by physical therapy probably in I really hope you all can sense my joy (our joy if you could have heard Nicole on the phone) and share in our celebration. There is so much work ahead, but the work can now begin a lot sooner than we recently expected. Beau 1/15/08 Tuesday 9:45pm I'll make it quick because I REALLY want to go to bed. I was tired when this morning began, and after spending an hour out in the snow with my kids, I'm ready to crash. There is one issue you need to be updated on. Last Friday, Nicole took Bryson to see the "ziggy" doctor...the urologist. Here's the update. First, he said things were healing really well and then went on to give Nicole an explanation as to why he's done nothing surgically to this point. He informed us that he will never perform a surgery until 6-8 months after the previous surgery because it takes that long for the swelling to go down in the genital region. Now that we're reaching that point, he's going to begin by trying to get into Bryson's next surgery to remove the newly growing membrane on his leg and, while Bryson is under, scope his ziggy to get a closer look. The last piece of news could be encouraging...we'll find out in a few years. I was under the impression (I guess I formulated this information in my own uninformed head) that it was going to take numerous surgeries throughout Bryson's childhood and teen years to fully repair his ziggy. Dr. Alpert told Nicole that it may take only one surgery (emphasis on "may") to reconstruct. It could take more...we just don't know. And we just keep praying. Beau 1/9/08 Wednesday 11:15am 1/6/08 Sunday 11:00pm We've got questions...this week we hope to get some answers. And whether or not we get the answers we want, we WILL get answers. Bryson has two appointments this week. Thursday I'm taking him to Columbus to see the plastic surgeon for an update on how his skin is healing. We hope to get the go-ahead for the prosthesis, but even if we don't we hope to get a more refined timeline. Friday Nicole takes Bryson to see the urologist for a "ziggy" check up. At that point we'll hopefully hear a little more about when his first surgery to repair his privates will be. Financially we're in a holding pattern. We've been partially approved by the Ohio Bureau for Children with Medical Handicaps (BCMH). Medically we've been approved, we're just waiting for financial approval. Two weeks ago I sent copies of some pay checks so like most other areas of our life...we're waiting. One neat story this week: While playing in the basement with the girls, Bryson began to sit on a tricycle and have Reagan push him around the basement. When Reagan quit, Bryson got incredibly upset. He yelled and cried until Nicole suggested he try to pedal the tricycle by himself. The response was natural: "I can't pedal with one foot." Nicole kept pushing him to try and then turned back to her work. With Reagan by her side, Nicole began to hear wheels rumbling across the floor and, excitedly, turned to see Bryson pedaling across the basement floor with a huge grin spread across his face. Even to this moment, I'm not sure who was more excited. Beau 12/31/07 Monday Driving home from the grocery store the other day, I looked at my son in the back seat through my rear-view mirror when a strange and sad thought entered my mind: It has been over four months since he has last walked...a thought I can hardly comprehend. In my sadness, I asked Bryson, "Are you excited to get your new leg so you can walk again?" "Yeah!" Bryson continued, "And can I ride my bike? Can I ride my motorcycle?" Bryson has never asked why he can't walk. He's never cried because of something his disability now hinders him from doing. Even when he wound up going to church this Sunday without his shoe (Daddy's fault because mommy was sick), he didn't make a stink. Last year at this time we had high hopes for 2007...and this New Year's Eve is no different. This year we look forward to: Was 2007 a disappointment? If you call really learning how much a church can care, what it feels like for God to embrace you, how spiritually, physically, and emotionally strong (in that order) your spouse is, watching proudly as your child braves adversity that you yourself knew you could never handle, and seeing how incredibly loving your one year old and two year old girls can be a disappointment, then it was incredibly disappointing! God was so so good in the midst of what many would call a disappointing year...I can't wait to see how good God is in the magnificent year that lies ahead. Happy New Year! Beau
12/22/07 Saturady 5:00pm
Conversations with Bryson Bryson will still talk on and off about his leg. Sometime he starts the conversation and sometimes I start it. I always let him talk about it, if he wants, because it lets me see how he is processing things a little better. I thought you all might be interested in some of our conversations. Me (Nicole): Bryson are you sad about your broken leg? Bryson: No, I’m not sad. I am happy. I like broken legs. I don’t want a brand new leg. I like my broken leg. Me: Don’t you want to walk with a new leg? Bryson: No, I can crawl around and hop. That’s it. He is so matter of fact about everything. I think though that he knows that I am trying to get him use to the idea of a new leg, so he wanted me to know he was just fine the way he was. I really think that getting his prosthetic might be his biggest emotional battle yet. Definitely something you can all be praying about. Another conversation: This happened when he woke up the other morning. Bryson: Mommy, I think my brand new leg is growing back. Me: Where? Bryson: Right here. (pointing to his broken leg) Me: No Bryson. Your brand new leg is not going to grow back. You are going to get a new leg that you have to put on. Remember. Like Andrew has. Bryson: Yeh, right. Andrew is my friend. Remember, he came over to play with me. I must admit, it is hard explaining these things to a 5 year old, but I think he is picking up on more than he lets on sometimes Bryson’s heart is changing now. He is very soft hearted about anybody who has an “ouchy” and loves to hear their stories about it. It will be interesting to see God use that in him someday. Another week with no appointments. As a matter of fact, we won’t have another one until January and for that we are very thankful. As soon as the Plastic Surgeon gives us the okay we will begin the prosthetic journey. That means Beau and I will need to make a decision in the next couple of weeks about which company to choose. I guess we better finish our researching pretty quickly here. We want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and pray that you are able to enjoy time with your families and that you experience more of Christ during the week ahead! Nicole
12/13/07 Thursday 11:00pm Good news! Good news! Today at Bryson's plastic surgeon's appointment, the report went from "It's not looking so good" as of two weeks ago to "It looks great!" Two weeks ago, the wound from the most recent surgery didn't look like it was healing all that well. It was a black hole...literally. The middle just looked black and it really didn't seem like it was getting any smaller. I believe it was just yesterday, maybe just two days ago, that I first began to notice the hole's shrinking size. You know, things are getting pretty ordinary now. Cleaning and wrapping my boy's "broken" leg isn't a hassle anymore...it's just what I do. I don't get irritated anymore having to carry Bryson around...it's just what I do. I don't have to carry Bryson to the restroom anymore...he just goes (in fact, he disappeared at church, into the ladies restroom in fact, when he "had to go"). It's now just ho-hum...but it's not! 3 months ago it was painful to watch my boy struggle. Last month it was a hassle because I had to do so much work. Yesterday it just was. Now...now it's an honor: to have been allowed to watch the daily transformation from a completely dependant child to an boy just aching to be independent. This boy has changed so much and I've had the honor to be the first one to see him each morning and re-wrap his bandage bandage and the one who give him the last big kiss of the day after a bath, applying the bandage, reading his Bible and saying our prayers together. It's been the hardest journey...there were days I went to be early because I JUST WANTED THE DAY TO END! But I have so much hope. Seeing how much Bryson has grown so far, and seeing how good God has been to Bryson, myself, and to His people throughout the ages, I can't help but hope that the days ahead will be even greater. Yes, this new leg thing is going to be a struggle, knowing what to say to him when he first gets ridiculed in school for only having one let, or how to respond to him when he says "It's just not fair" when he can't keep up with the other kids in sports the older he gets...but if God can send His only son Jesus to earth by means of a virgin birth, if God can bring His son back from the dead, if God can save my son from near death in a lawnmower accident, then surely, surely He can take care of my son the rest of His days. Don't know how long his days will be and don't know if they'll even be easy. All I know, ALL THAT MATTERS, is that God cares for Bryson, for us, for you. What could be even better than having the Creator of the universe caring for your every need. Hope. My early Christmas gift from God. And hope is the early Christmas gift I offer to you. Merry Christmas. Beau
12/10/07 Monday 9:00am
So, the age old question, “How are you really doing?” And the answer, “it depends on when you ask us.” Day to day we are getting by. Like many of you we are wrapped up right now in the busyness of Christmas and loving it. Christmas programs, shopping, parties, & preparations are a welcome break from all things hospital right now. We are still averaging one appointment a week, but from what we came from, this is very do-able. We have enjoyed some of our holiday traditions and just a couple of days ago we enjoyed a morning playing in the snow. The only change in that was Bryson wanting to be pulled back up the hill on the sled instead of walking on his own. He didn’t seem to notice that his snow angel looked a little different than ours, but I noticed it. And then those are the times that are a little harder. The other night I had a good cry. I cried because I couldn’t picture how Bryson looked walking anymore. That’s hard! He is getting around great hopping right now, but I long for the day to see him walk upright again. As far as the healing of his leg is going, I think it is looking better, but it is slow healing. On Thursday Bryson had another appointment with the orthopedic doctor. He seemed to think it looked good and gave us a prescription for Physical Therapy and the prosthetic so that as soon as we get an okay from the plastic surgeon we can start the “new leg” process. He doesn’t need to see us now until the end of January. Next week we have another appointment with the plastic surgeon and then in early January we have an appointment with the Urologist. Hopefully, at that appointment we will get some information about the upcoming surgery on his penis. Sometimes I forget that we still have to do this. We have an exciting tomorrow. Tomorrow we make our annual trip with our teens from our youth group and some other members from our church down to a ministry in downtown Specific things you can pray on behalf of us for: decision on which prosthetic company to choose, insurance issues, and that Bryson would warm up to the idea of a “new leg.” And because songs touch me so much, I would like to leave you with a chorus to the Phillips, Craig, and Dean song, “The blessing of the Thorn,” that has been going through my head a lot lately and which is my prayer right now.
When does the thorn become a blessing? When does the pain become a friend? When does the weakness make me stronger? When does my faith make me whole again? I want to feel his arms around me in the middle of my raging storm, so that I can see the blessing of the thorn. When you get a chance check out the words in the verses, I am sure many of you could relate.
12/1/07 Saturday 1:00pm While the kids are in the basement playing real nice together and Nicole is cracking open the boxes of Christmas decorations, it seemed like the right time to drop you a line. Thursday Nicole took Bryson to see the plastic surgeon, the one responsible for the skin graft, for another follow-up to his procedure. The surgeon seemed pleased with the leg's progress and then gave us a new healing time-line of 4 more weeks. Now for those of you who may be confused at an apparent discrepancy, let me clarify. At Bryson's initial follow-up visit with the orthopedic surgeon we were told it would be about 3 weeks from that point till we could get fitted for a prosthesis...we never did ask the plastic surgeon. The reality is, the orthopedic surgeon doesn't work with skin so naturally it wound up being nothing more than a shot in the dark. As those 3 weeks slowly passed, it was becoming very apparent to Nicole and I that the leg wasn't healing fast enough. Now we know, from the opinion of the surgeon that matters in the case of Bryson's skin graft, the leg is healing just fine. For all we know, he might have said 2-3 months from the initial surgery except that we never asked. This comes as a great relief to Nicole--and me, too. Christmases are already crazy enough with all the travel and church responsibilities that to add on the additional stresses of physical therapy and learning the new leg around home would only add to the insanity. {Deep Breath} So as it is, by the end of the day decorations will be up and the tree decorated. (We took our yearly family trip to cut down our own Christmas tree and, as always, found "The Perfect Tree"...not the Charlie Brown type.) And after the kids are down tonight, Nicole and I will make cranberry and popcorn strands for the tree as we watch the movie Elf (a small tradition of ours)...switching back and forth between that and the Oklahoma/Missouri football game...GO SOONERS! WIN ONE FOR OHIO! Beau
11/26/07 Tuesday 8:00 pm Lately I have been thinking how final things can seem and how quickly things can change. In mere moments Bryson’s leg was gone and will be gone for as long as he lives. How quickly our lives and his life changed. I started thinking of everything that is so final: losing a loved one or having a miscarriage, losing a limb, finishing a season in your life like school years, etc. Those things you can never get back. This was actually a very sobering and depressing thought. But last week God reminded me as I was walking on the treadmill, that these things aren’t so final. This life on earth is so short but for the rest of eternity Bryson can have his leg back and we can have our passed loved ones back if we have faith in Jesus. I needed to be reminded of that. So, Thanksgiving happened last week and it was a wonderful week. The first time in months that Bryson has not had a doctor’s appointment. That will change this week, but last week was so nice. The kids and I spent the whole week with my family and Beau joined us late Wed night. At Thanksgiving both the Kennedy side of my family and the Osborne side were together. We had fun eating, playing games, and talking. The kids will probably be bored this week after all of that excitement. At one point during the Thanksgiving festivities we all told what we were thankful for. I said that I was thankful for the whole Christian community and how supportive they have been to us through this ordeal, and I am thankful for that but there is so much more I am thankful for this year. Here are a few and I will leave you with these: I still have a son Bryson went through a major trauma and he seems to have no emotional problems as a result. An accident that could have torn many families apart has drawn ours closer. I still have not cooked a meal since the accident, paid for gas on any of our trips to Our girls have not seemed to be affected by the crisis our family is going through. Our lives are settling into a somewhat normal routine. This year we have been blessed with four new nieces (Incase you haven’t heard my brother’s wife had twins last week. They are still in the hospital and could use your prayers.) Our faith has remained steady even though we are full of questions. We have a wonderful family, a wonderful home, and a wonderful church family. We have the hope of eternity where we can all be made whole Nicole 11/20/07 Tuesday 12:00pm
11/13/07 Tuesday 10:25pm I apologize to many of you for the insanity that was my last entry. Coming off our Fall Youth Retreat--hours of games, hotdogs, tp-ing, and maybe 4 hours of sleep--the entry was chocked full of errors. In my first entry, before it was corrected, I mentioned that after getting his leg, Bryson would be having 2-3 surgeries a week...surgeries, therapy, they are kind of the same, right? Yea, he'll have 2-3 therapy sessions, probably in Canton. I also believe I messed up his appointments this week. He had an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon today and has an appointment with the plastic surgeon Thursday regarding his skin graft. Now about that appointment today... Good news, good news, good news! Doc said the the skin is healing really well where the surgery took place. Bryson can now get into the bath, albeit a brief bath. We just need to keep his leg wrapped in order to keep any bleeding to a minimum, and, as far as this doctor is concerned, we'll be able to get fitted for a prosthesis in 3-4 weeks. On Thursday, we'll get the opinion of the plastic surgeon regarding Bryson's skin graft. Ultimately, when we get the go-ahead from both doctors, we're good to go for the leg. In 3 weeks, we've got another appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. Nicole is somewhat relieved that there's still some time to go. With the craziness that comes with the holiday season, learning the ways of a prosthesis during that time would just add to the stress. But whenever we get the green light, we'll move forward. Thanks again for all your prayers. Beau
11/11/07 Sunday 10:40pm We were inches from a Saturday morning like we had yesterday from never happening. Inches. Though his birthday party is still 8 days away from today (11/19), we decided to have his party yesterday morning. So beginning at 10am, five of Bryson's buddies from church joined us to celebrate our boy's 5th birthday with a Disney's CARS themed party. We played games (like racing cars on the driveway while scooting around on their bottoms), had pizza/cake/ice cream (Nicole did an AMAZING job on the cake!), and presents. But nothing was more enjoyable than watching the sheer joy on the faces of these 3-5 year old boys as they played with each other in the living room. (Now we'll go back a few more days.) (Now here's what to come.) O---H!!!! Beau
11/6/07 Tuesday 11:30pm If you didn't know Bryson went under the knife yesterday morning, you would have had a hard time believing it really happened. After sleeping from 3-8pm yesterday afternoon/evening, and then sleeping from 9pm-6am (thank you Bryson, thank you for the early morning) he was lighthearted all day, scooting around on the floor as he's done for the past month (I don't think the codeine-laced tylenol had anything to do with that). Except for the sponge baths for the next week (we can't remove his bandage until next week's appointment), our lives really haven't changed...okay...that's a lie. Daylight Savings Time has rocked our world! 6am wakeup calls and crankiness beginning an hour earlier at night...it's even messed up our afternoon naptime schedule. As for the surgery, it's not affected our lives as much as we thought it might have. Here's what happened (the way I understood it): when a bone breaks, it begins the process of trying to heal itself. In Bryson's case, there was nothing for the one half of his remaining bone to heal to, so the membrane that was growing to make the connection kept growing in whatever direction it felt like. In his case, the membrane made a turn and ended up in a golf club shape and began to poke through Bryson's new skin. Dr. Kean had to go through the new skin to cut off the membrane and smooth down the remaining bone. He was really encouraged by the new skin. He thought the skin looked real healthy with some good blood flow going to it which, to him, meant it would have no problem healing on its own without another skin graft surgery. Result: a successful surgery. I believe next week we'll have to make two trips to Columbus--one for the orthopedic surgery follow-up and another for a urology checkup. We saw the urologist yesterday and he said we're about six months away from our first surgery on Bryson's "ziggy." Tomorrow we head to Canton (45 minute drive) for Prosthesis Day. You won't find this holiday marked on your calendar, but it's on ours. We have 10am and 1pm appointments at the two different prosthesis companies that are in our insurance network--Yanke Bionics and Hanger Orthopedics. They are located about 2 blocks from each other...nice and convenient for tomorrow...and one even has a smaller office in Wooster (25 minute drive from home) that we could visit. Once we pick a company, then, when we get the go-ahead from Dr. Kean (orthopedic surgeon), we can get fitted for a leg which is at least 2 weeks away. We'll let you know how our appointments go tomorrow. Beau
11/5/07 Monday 11:00am
11/2/07 Saturday 8:10pm Just a quick one: We now know that Bryson will have his surgery Monday morning at 10am. Thanks for praying. Beau
11/2/07 Friday 8:20am Bryson now has a new friend who went through a similar experience. As a 24 month old, Andrew (now a 9-10 year old who lives .5 from us) was riding the lawn mower with his father and fell off. As a result of the accident, Andrew lost his right foot and most of his muscle in his lower right leg. His mother brought him to visit Bryson this week. What an incredible kid Andrew is. He showed Bryson his new foot (which Bryson tickled), his new leg, and the leg that remained beneath the prosthesis. Bryson was 100% intrigued and 100% uncomfortable. He really wanted to look at the leg and at the same time didn't want to give it a glimpse. While Bryson showed off his new walker abilities, Andrew showed off his ability to hop incredibly fast without wearing his prosthetic. (It really was amazing how fast he got around.) But his ability to get around aside, the best part for me was to see his attitude: how his prosthetic leg was really a minor part of his life and how compassionate he was to Bryson...everything I'd hope for for my son. Last night was a lot of fun, too. Yesterday when I dressed Bryson, I put on a brand new Harley Davidson sweatshirt. Seeing what he was wearing, my dad thought it was time to get Bryson on his little battery-powered motorcycle. His eyes got real big the first time he turned the handle and the cycle took off, but it wasn't too long until he got the hang of things and made his mom and dad's night zipping up and down our road at speeds reaching 2-3mph...(Yeah, not 23mph, but 2-3mph...we're fun parents but not stupid...Nicole isn't, at least.)...pictures forthcoming. At some point today we're going to find out what time his outpatient surgery is on Monday to fix the membrane growing on his leg. Its really starting to bother Bryson (and me) now not from a pain perspective, but from it's appearance as it's started to literally create a hole in the skin where it is poking through. Later next week, on Wednesday, we have appointments set up at two different prosthetic companies. The point of the meetings is to help us choose which company we'd like to work with. It's a very important decision because we'll be working with them for at least the next 13-15 years, until Bryson is on his own and needs to make the choice for himself. What we're really looking for is who is the best at working with kids. We've received two good referrals from the one...so we'll see. Lastly, from a parent note: About two weeks ago the band on my watch broke so, this week, I FINALLY got around to getting it to a local jewelry store to get it fixed. While I was waiting, the owner asked me to sit with him give him an update on how things were going with Bryson. About 5-10 minutes into our conversation, when a lady at the store discovered I was Bryson's father, she ran upstairs where another lady was on her lunch break to tell her Bryson's daddy was her. She came down and after I had a great time with the owner, we carried on an encouraging conversation about parenting, tragedy, and faith. She told me (and her co-workers added halfway jokingly) that she checks Bryson's website daily and is really encouraged. Honestly, it gets hard sometime to write anymore because things with Bryson are getting so...well...normal. I see him every day so I don't notice the little victories quite as much so it makes it really hard to write because I really don't know what to write about (today wasn't a problem, though). But to find out that even on the days when I have to push myself to write something--on those days when life with Bryson is uneventful--there are so people still pulling for Bryson and are encouraged by those little victories that mean very little to me. I guess what I'm discovering is that we really have no idea as to how sometimes the most menial tasks are actually making a difference in someone's life. Thanks to the jewelry store lady for the reminder, and thank you to all who faithfully read about and pray for Bryson. You really don't know (unless you are a parent) what that means or could mean to a parent during days of struggle...even 2.5 months after the fact when the daily drama is over. Beau
10/28/2007 Saturday 10:20pm Yes, yes, yes...for those of you who care about what time I'm making these entries, it is coming in the midst of the 3rd quarter of the Buckeyes game. The fact that I'm doing an entry right now is not a statement of overconfidence (since we just went up 24-7), but I realize that if I dont' write it now, I'll be too tired to get it done later and I'll have no time or energy tomorrow. So how are things going? Very good, thanks for asking. This past week we went trick-or-treating again with my brother's kids and each time we got out of the van, Bryson made his way to each doorbell with his walker. His perseverance makes me so proud. I especially love the look on his face when I say, "I'm so proud of you!" He gets that smirk on his face that seems to say, "Really!" It's priceless. As you may know now, we're in the midst of a waiting period. We've got a little over a week yet before Bryson's surgery and then we wait again for that surgery to heal so we can get Brsyon a leg. In the meantime, I'm trying to schedule appointments with the two potential prosthetic companies in order to see which is best or has the most experience dealing with children (and along the way we've been receiving some good advice from parents of children with prosthetic limbs). The accident is now over 2 months behind us and though I think at times we should be adjusted to where we are today, moments this past week made it clear that I still have a ways to go. At this point I'm sorting through my obligations outside of work: board member at a local church camp, high school basketball referee...with everything else going on, I'm afraid something or something have got to give. We'll keep you informed. Beau
10/23/2007 Tuesday 8:00pm GOOD NEWS! Through monsoon-like conditions, Nicole took Bryson to his appointment with the orthopedic surgeon in Columbus and discovered that he will be having surgery on November 5. Okay, that's not the good news...the good news is it's not as bad as we were expecting. It is a simple outpatient surgery which means he'll be home that night. The surgeon also believes he'll be able to perform the surgery and not affect the skin grafted area. The only possible problem could be if the membrane is stuck to the new skin, but even then the skin might be able to heal together on its own. Let's just say we're pretty happy about what's going on right now. Beau
10/22/07 Monday 9:45pm There was nothing odd about coming home Thursday afternoon. 4pm I walked through the garage door and down the stairs to give Nicole a honey-i'm-home kiss. Before I made it down the stairs I was told by Nicole to wait. I paused until they told me to round the corner. I heard a few clicking noises until I saw what I was hearing: a little boy with a huge smile on his face. "Bryson, what are you doing," I said. "Hopping," Bryson said. It was hopping to him, it was glory for me: Bryson was walking with his walker. I wish every single one of you could have seen his face. He knew what he was doing and he knew it was a pretty cool thing. This weekend we went to the Osborne's for some trick-or-treating. Bryson...I mean Buzz Lightyear of Star Command...had a blast. Our final stop was a row of four houses ending at Bryson's great-grandparents where we were there was a bonfire for a lunch of hotdogs, marshmallows, hot chocolate, and apple cider. The hilight of my day, other than hauling around Buzz Lightyear, a pink dinosaur (Reagan), and a pink poodle (Nicole...I mean...Kennedy (could you imagine if it was Nicole, though?)), was Bryson in the arms of Grandpa Osborne racing from house to house and winning every time. Grandpa ended up winded, and Bryson victorious. Tonight was the first time I gave Bryson a bath since the accident. Nicole usually does Bryson and I do the girls, but tonight Nicole got a night away with a friend. As the tub was filling up, Bryson stood by the side watching the pool of bubbles grow. I caught myself staring: staring right through the the leg is no longer; staring at a boy who is living as though he was born without leg; staring at what should have been an awkward moment (trying to keep his balance) but actually staring at a moment of bliss as the bubbles grew. I still just don't get it. I still can't believe where our family is today. My head says everything is going to be alright but my heart still aches. So's the journey. Beau
10/17/07 Wensday 10:00pm It has been awhile since I have updated, but tonight seems to be my night. You see today Beau let me sleep in until I wanted to get up. I stayed in bed until Update on Beau – He seems to be doing much better. He has been preaching again and getting back to all of his responsibilities at the church. He is doing an amazing job right now learning how to balance his responsibilities at church, taking care of his wife, taking care of his children, and making a ton of phone calls concerning Bryson’s future care. Update on Bryson – He amazes us everyday. There is no use trying to put things out of his reach. If he wants to get something he will get it. Today I put his bubble gum machine on top of his 6 drawer dresser. He moved his rocking chair over to the dresser, climbed on top, and got the bubble gum machine off and put all of the gum in his mouth. He was so proud of himself that I couldn’t get mad at him for chewing all of the gum. He is enjoying trying to stand by himself on one foot. So far, he can only do it for maybe a second, but I am just excited he is trying. The unfortunate news is that we now know Bryson will need another surgery on his leg to have the membrane removed. We have a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday and they will give us the details then after taking a better look at the membrane. I prayed that God would just heal it Himself, because I know He can do it, but it doesn’t look like He has chosen that route for us. It is a little depressing wanting and waiting for a miracle and not getting it, but I do believe God has a reason for everything so there must be a reason for this also. I am thankful though that we are taking care of this now before he gets fitted for the prosthetic. Just pray for as we make plans for another hospital stay and as we try to prepare Bryson for another surgery. Update on Girls – They are also doing great. They haven’t missed a beat. It has been so nice to be with them all week and not have to leave for any doctor’s appointments. Reagan is so cute right now – today she put a piece of paper on her leg and said it was her bandage. It is amazing how much a two year old will absorb. Update on Me – I have loved going away with my husband to the OSU game this weekend and then having a pretty normal week at home. I am overwhelmed sometimes with trying to schedule our next couple of months with the holidays coming and scheduling Bryson’s doctor visits. I am thankful for how far Bryson has come so far and yet sometimes I just look at his leg and still can’t believe it is actually gone. I go through mixed emotions everyday. I would love to leave you with a song that really speaks to me in the midst of all of these emotions and maybe it will speak to you to. Where Joy and Sorrow Meet (On Avalon’s Stand CD and written by David James White) There’s a place of quiet stillness ‘tween the light and shadows reach Where the hurting and the hopeless seek everlasting peace Words of men and songs of angels whisper comfort bittersweet Mending grief and life eternal where joy and sorrow meet There is a place where hope remains in crowns of thorns and crimson stains And tears that fall on Jesus’ feet where joy and sorrow meet There’s a place the lost surrender and the weary will retreat Full of grace and mercy tender in times of unbelief For wounded there is healing, strength is given to the weak Broken hearts find love redeeming where joy and sorrow meet There’s a place of thirst and hunger where the roots of faith grow deep And there is rain and rolling thunder when the road is rough and steep There is hope in desperation, there is victory in defeat At the cross of restoration where joy and sorrow meet. I love the line in the song where it says a place where “…the roots of faith grow deep.” I have to believe are faith is being strengthened and matured during this time. Thank you for continuing to send your notes of encouragement and prayers for our family. Nicole
10/15/07 Monday 11:45pm HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY NICOLE!!!! Now, with that out of the way, here's were we stand. We've hit a moment of uncertainty in regards to Bryson's leg. His skin graft is healing well...so well that the doctor said give it two weeks and we can have him fitted for a prosthesis. Sounds great, but the complication with the growing "membrane" on his bone is growing...the complication is growing because the membrane is growing. If you didn't know better, you'd think it was just a bubble, but it's obviously becoming a bigger concern then we thought. Right now we're in a bit of a standstill because we can't get hold of ay of the doctors we need to hear from. I put a call into both around noon and still haven't heard from any of them. My biggest concern/fear/worry/frustration is that we'll have to make an emergency trip down to Columbus and have a quick surgery without any warning. None of this is a reality, but we've no choice but to consider and prepare for any and all sceneios. Right now we just carry on, twiddling our thumbs. On the positive side: Bryson is now taking baths. Up until this point, Nicole's been doing tedious washcloth baths. Not that this way is any quicker, but it's a sign of a step toward normalcy. This weekend Nicole and I had a nice break spending Friday night in Columbus and Saturday afternoon at the Ohio State football game. (Can you say "#1"?) Sunday night our small group got together at one of Bryson's friend's house. We had to leave quickly for choir practice so Bryson's friend's parents offered to keep him till we got back. We heard at one point Bryson asked to be carried by one of the male adults. While being carried, he looked the man in the eye and said, "My mommy and daddy are stronger than you." (Knowing the man, I don't think so!) And tonight we went to a high school volleyball game. Bryson was a riot as he got caught up the the score-keeping: screaming every time our team got a point. We were sure he was going to suffer whiplash as he turned from the game to the scoreboard and, with a big grin and sheer excitement in his eyes, counting the score. Now we wait...and pray. Beau
10/12/07 Friday 10:30am Busy would describe yesterday...but INCREDIBLE describes it even better. The morning began with a checkup at the plastic surgeon's office. Skin graft? Doing great. He gives us another 2 weeks or so before we can begin getting fitted for a prosthesis. His one concern was the same concern the orthopedic surgeon had. The membrane mentioned by the orthopedic surgeon appears to be creating a marble sized ball bumb where the skin graft was done. The concern, again, is that with all the pressure and friction that comes with a prosthesis, discomfort, pain, and/or open wounds (which is normal) could develop. THe plastic surgeon is going to call the orthopedic surgeon to see if and when a surgery needs to be done, whether or not they have to go through the skin graft--which would require more skin grafting to be done--or if there can be another point of entry. As we wait, Nicole and I want to ask all of you to pray that by God's divine intervention (we believe He's a God who is still working in the world today), he can heal that membrane so that no surgery would be needed. After lunch at McDonald's (they've got Monopoly there now, you know) and another meeting, we went to the Woody Hayes Athletic Facility to watch an Ohio State football practice. We knew how excited we were--as we got out of the van, Nicole said she felt giddy like a high schooler--but we weren't sure if Bryson knew how incredible this was. It didn't take us long to figure that out. After walking through the hallways adorned with National Championship, Big Ten Championship, and Heisman trophies, we entered their indoor practice field (it was raining). The first person we say was #94 Ben Bartholomew, a redshirt freshman punter. Now this may mean nothing to you...none of you would or should recognize his because he's never played...but it meant a lot for me to see him. Ben is the son of Rich and Becky who run an urban youth ministry in downtown Columbus that our church has worked extremely close with (www.agoraministries.org --sweet new web-site by the way, Rich!). We even have a teen from our church who is living and working there for this entire year. It's just so surreal to see someone you know wearing scarlet and gray. I asked Ben if he's done pinching himself to see if this is still not some incredible dream...he said he's still not done yet. Shortly after arriving, Coach Tressel came over and talked to us for a few minutes...reminding Bryson how when he came to the hospital, Bryson turned his head from coach and the cameras saying, "No more pictures!" Then came the players from a pre-practice meeting. Brian Hartline (#9), Maruice Wells (#34), Todd (#17), Kirk Barton (#71), and others all walked past within 15 feet of Bryson. Marcus Freeman (Linebacker, #1) stopped by and told Bryson he needed to get rid of his #33 jersey and get a #1 jersey. Brysons response? "NO WAY!" Shortly after, James Lauriaitis (#33) walked out of the room and toward Bryson. Bryson was star-struck: eyes wide open, mouth gaped with a grin. We asked him who it was...no answer. We asked him again...still no answer as the smile got bigger and bigger. No doubt about it, Bryson recognized this player who had visited him in the hospital. After a short conversation, Laurinaitis and the rest of the team went out in the rain for the first part of practice. We stayed dry as we were given a tour of the facilities: huge weigh room, beautiful locker room, and a player lounge with 6 or 7 flat screen tvs, 3 or 4 equipped with either an XBox 360 or Playstation 3, leather chairs, and a pool table. (Found out it is their attempt at giving the students something to do so they aren't out late getting in trouble.) We returned for the last hour of practice which was held indoors. The only thing Bryson didn't like was that for segments of time during the practice, they try to simulate some of the crowd noise by pumping music and crowd noise through the speakers really loud. Bryson had is ears covered, even screamed each time the music came back on. Practice ended and the entire team huddled in the middle. While huddling, it was obvious Coach Tressel was talking about Bryson as many of the players were looking over our way. They broke huddle and between 1/3 and 1/2 the team ran over the bleachers where we were sitting and spoke with Bryson. He was...er...we were in awe. Bryson got a little quiet at first, and then began talking to them. Chis "Beanie" Wells (Running Back #28...whom Bryson said "He doesn't look like a Beanie") came to the front and spoke personally with Bryson. Brian Robiske (#80), Marcus Freeman (#2), Steve Rehring (#71), Doug Worthington (#84...He's HUGE), and Ryan Pretorious (Kicker #85) were among those who surrounded and spoke to our son. Bryson held himself together really well...if that were me, I'd have had an accident in my pants! INCREDIBLE! When everyone began filing away, James Laurinaitis made his way to the front and spoke with Bryson again. Bryson gave him a big hug and we got another picture with Bryson sitting on his lap (there is that picture and many others that are or will be posted soon). The greatest part was, after they left, being able to tell Bryson, "You know, James love Jesus just like you do?" Bryson responded, "He does?" So that night, during his prayers, after going through the usual list of family members and body parts that need healing, Bryson prayed for James. Sweet, sweet moment...sweet, sweet kid. Beau
PICTURE INFORMATION
10/9/07 Tuesday 11:25pm So today was the first of Bryson's two check-ups this week. Check-up #1: Orthopedics. The appointment began with x-rays...and, according to Nicole, a lot of screams and tears. Can you blame Bryson? Anytime latex gloves come out and he's laid on a table, only bad things usually happen...today just x-rays. And after looking at them, Dr. Kean noticed on potential (intentional emphasis on "potential"). From what Nicole could best reiterate to me (I didn't make the trip), a membrane appears to be growing from the remaining bone into the muscle (Oh, I could be totally botching this up...you medical people are probably going to have fits!) as though the bone is trying to regrow itself. If it continues to grow, it could cause some discomfort or a good deal of pain when Bryson is fitted with a prosthesis. If the problem persists, then we're looking at another surgery to remove some of the membrane. (Don't know if the terms are right, but the essence is true.) Check-up #2: Plastics. Thursday morning we'll be visiting Dr. Pearson to see how Bryson's leg is healing from the skin grafting surgery. That's the meat of our day...no sense in blabbering on about nothing. I'm hitting the sack. Beau
10/7/07 Sunday 10:00pm I was startled. Nicole was scared. It was just a sneeze...but it wasn't either of ours. At 7:10 this morning, 10 minutes after my first snooze and 5 minutes after my second, we shot up in our bed to discover the culprit behind the mystery sneeze... ...Bryson...standing up beside our bed supporting himself against our bedstand with that ornery smirk on his face. We'd have been ticked that we now knew he was capable of getting us out of bed before we were ready if we weren't so proud that he had it in him to lower himself out of bed, scoot himself 30-40 feet through the hallway to our bedroom, and raise himself up beside a 3 foot high bedstand. It's absolutely incredible how far he has come. Then today at church during our sharing time, Bryson turned to Nicole and told her she had to talk in the microphone. When she asked what she should say, he told her to tell the church that his feeding tube was gone. Bryson just glowed as his mom stood and praised God that he was tube-free. And one last priceless moment today. When he heard that Caislyn, his cousin, had arrived for my birthday party tonight, without hesitation, he took off: speedily scooting himself across the floor to the front door--at least 30 feet away. So much spunk. So much life. I couldn't have asked God for a more perfect son. Beau
10/5/2007 Friday 11:25pm In a way, it's kind of been difficult to come up with a report over these past few days...because things have been going so good! Only one tube remains--picc line--but that comes out tomorrow morning and so leaves the incredible blessing/burden of the IV meds: the blessing of not giving them orally and the burden of the fact it taking so long to set up. He's supposed to not move around much to allow his skin grafts to heal...but that sneaker little booger is all over the place. He's laying on the couch when I leave the room, a minute later he is scooting around on the floor. He's laying in his bed when I leave the room, 30 seconds later he's standing up, supporting himself by leaning on the toy chest at good six foot scoot from the bed...all with a big, proud smirk on his face! (That's my boy!) Nicole had a great conversation with him today. In the past we've had discussions about him getting a new leg, and his first response would be, "I don't want a new leg." We'd talk about him running and playing games like basketball and soccer and he'd be quick to respond, "I don't want to...I'll just watch." Incredibly depressing for a parent to hear. We were the ones with hopes for an active childhood that, in one night, seemed to collapse before our very eyes. Things have changed: Bryson: Mommy, can I talk to you? Far cry from a few weeks ago. Next week is a busy and exciting one. Bryson has two doctors appointments (orthopedic on Tuesday and plastics (skin graft check-up) on Thursday)...that's not the good part. Thursday after our morning appointment, we'll be going to an Ohio State football practice...oh, and Bryson's going, too. And as if that's not enough Buckeye football for the weekend, on Friday night, Nicole and I are making our yearly pilgrimage to a football game. I don't believe I could have married any better when all my wife wants for her birthday is to go to a game each year...yup, I'm okay with that. So with each of our birthdays within 8 days of each other in October, she returns the favor with a ticket for me. So for our 30th birthdays, we're going to spend the night in Columbus Friday night and enjoy (hopefully) the Saturday afternoon game. Should be a nice break. Nicole and I did ate out for breakfast this morning and, of course, Bryson came up in our conversation. I told her that there are still moments when I look at or think about him I still can't belive what has happened. I can't say I was shocked when she told me she felt the same way. But it just blows my mind when I consider Bryson's spirit. I sit back and think sadly about the hand of cards already dealt him in this life...and he just seems to be excited that God has chosen to deal him in at all. In the midst of all my uncertainty, Bryson's heart is the surest thing we've got goin. Beau
10/2/2007 Tuesday 11:00pm WE'RE HOME!! I would have thought earlier today that for me to say this wouldn't have been as surprising as it wound up being. At 11:30am today we made one final and futile attempt at getting Bryson to take his antibiotics orally. Now, since there is no more feeding tube, the doctors were going to require he be able to take his medicine before sending him home. Knowing Bryson as well as we do, we knew this was never going to happen so be begged to have them allow us to give Bryson antibiotics through his picc line. How tough could it be to allow this since it was just "suggested" that he take these meds through Friday by the Infectuous Disease doctor. At noon it sounded like a go to us, so we sat waiting for our discharge. At about 4pm we began having talks with our new nurse about our upcoming discharge. She looked at Nicole as if she didn't know what we were talking about. We found out soon thereafter that no papers had been filed for discharge because 1) If we were going to go home with IV meds, they needed to give him some first at the hospital to see if he was going to have any bad reactions and 2) It was too late to connect with a home healthcare provider to give us training at home. Let's just say disappointment wasn't the half of what Nicole and I felt emotionally. In the midst of our inner fury, we had to start addressing questions of who was going to watch our girls and what to do since we were both out of clean underwear (essential questions here, folks!). Less than one our later, things began to change. A hospital employee began to ask questions and found out that the dilemma was based on simple miscommunication or, more appropriately, lack of communication between physicians. She found that our home healthcare providers could get to our house tomorrow to help educate us and, after a second opinion, it really was not a problem to quick give him his meds and discharge us. We are so grateful that there are people at Nationwide Children's (formerly Columbus Children's) Hospital who to just care for their patients but advocate for their patients as well. So as it stands, Bryson is out cold in his bed upstairs, Nicole is getting everything put away, and our girls are still at the Osborne's and will be returning tomorrow afternoon. Friday or Saturday morning Bryson will be off antibiotics and will have is picc line taken out. Each day for the next 7-10 days, Nicole will be changing the dressing on Bryson's leg that has the new skin. Next Thursday we'll return to the hospital to have Bryson's leg checked by the surgeon (notice I didn't say two trips...no wound-vac, remember?). After that, we wait. Next step is the go-ahead from the plastic surgeon that Bryson's new skin is healthy and strong so that Bryson can get his new leg. Deep breath...and much praise to God tonight. Beau
10/2/2007 Tuesday 10:00am Sorry to leave you all hanging yesterday...especially since we came back from the procedure with nothing but good news. The skin graft took 100%! That means there is no spot on the "broken" leg where the new skin isn't healing on to. The doctors were incredibly excited...and so were we (if you can believe it). Even more exciting is that we no longer have to deal with the wound-vac...it is officially off! Now he has what boils down to an ace bandage on his leg which, before we leave today, we're going to have to learn how to change daily. (Mixed emotions about that.) So no feeding tube, no wound-vack, and no more two trips to Columbus each week for wound-vac changes. (No mixed emotions about that!) After moving Bryson back to his room, and discovering that we wouldn't be leaving until the next day (today), Nicole hit the road. After becoming stir-crazy from a week spent in the hospital playing Chutes and Ladders, Candyland, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and (Bryson's new favorite) computer games on Nickjr.com, she was ready for a break. So from 12pm-6pm, she vanished to some Columbus malls to blow of some energy...which implies some shopping and money spending. Shortly before she returned, my parents came down allowing Nicole and I a quick dinner date. Definitely a refreshing day for both of us. One small...very very small crisis (that doesn't seem all that small right now) is dealing with Bryson's medications since we don't have the luxury of the feeding tube anymore. (Did I mention that's off, too?) One of his meds, Neurontin (for his phantom pains) is so little and tasteless so we can slip it into his drinks three times a day. The other is an antibiotic whose flavor is really hard to mask. We've tried it in applesauce: FAILURE resulting in Bryson puking up his entire supper. We've tried pop: FAILURE. It has a grape flavor so we're going to try grape juice today...but I'm not holding my breath. I tasted it yesterday, and even though it has a grape flavor, it still has a strong mediciny flavor. It's kind of like saying NyQuil tastes like cherry. It tastes like cherry, but there is no denying that it's not Kool-Ade we're dealing with. If that doesn't work, we're hoping for a medicine he can take through his picc line. The most frustrating part is he really only needs the antibiotics for 3-5 more days and just for prevention. We can't help but wonder if he couldn't do without. So we are basically just killing time today. Nicole is giving Bryson a bath as I'm writing then we plan to go to the play room to play games for a while. We really don't know when we're leaving...just that it's going to be today. Bryson is as excited to go home as we are...and I'm ready to get our girls back, too. Next steps: In a week or two (or more, whenever the plastic surgeon says so) Bryson will resume physical therapy. We will eventually return to the hospital for a few check-ups in the next month or so before returning sometime in the November-December months (according to early estimates) for a 3-4 week stay when Bryson will get his new leg. Until then, we move on with life as we know it. Beau
10/1/07 Monday 8:30am I'll make this quick with more information to follow later today about the weekend as a whole. Today at 9:30am Bryson will be sedated so the plastic surgeon can take a look at his legs and determine how the healing is coming from his skin grafting procedure. The other half of our dilemma is that Bryson pulled out his feeding tube last night. Not a huge deal since they couldn't give him any food during the night because of this morning's procedure and since he won't be getting any more night feedings at home. The problem is taking his meds. We tried last night to mix it with some applesauce and, put it this way, he ain't no dummy! One bit of applesause with a small bit of medicine and the applesauce along with his entire supper came up. The doctors are trying to determine some alternative way to get him his antibiotics...he's just never been one to take medicine, even to mix it in food or drinks. If all goes well with the procedure and with finding a way to get Bryson his meds, we are hoping to come home this afternoon...though in speaking with Dr. Pearson (plastic surgeon), he hinted that if all does go well today, we probably wouldn't get out until tomorrow. Frustrating? Yes. Still hopeful? Kind of. Pray on...I'll update you when I know more. Beau
9/29/07 Saturday 10:30am I’m at home this morning…got to finish some sermon preparations last night and today. Honestly, the hardest thing about leaving the hospital is Nicole. I know whenever I’m there I get really sleepy because, frankly, I’m board to death! There are no procedures, no therapy session, no doctor visits during the day to break things up. I’ve only been there for, at the most, 30 hours at a time…Nicole never leaves except for the time she requested to go to a nearby mall and check out their scrapbooking store. You can only play so much Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, and Hungry Hungry Hippo…you can only hear a child counting to 100…you can only watch Bugs Life and Stuart Little 3 so many times before you start to see things. It’s not delirium…and it’s really not that bad…but you really get physically worn out doing…well…nothing. I spoke with Nicole this morning and the boy seems to be doing really well. This afternoon I plan to go down, stay a few hours, and come home this evening so I can get rested up for church in the morning. Thanks again for praying.
9/27/07 Thursday 11:00pm I think I should be praising God for uneventful days like the last two have been. I don't remember when I have gotten this much sleep. Maybe when I was in the hospital after my C-section with Kennedy last May. Yesterday I even took a nap when Bryson did - yes, I said I took a nap.Bryson must be getting used to this hospital thing now. He does pretty well showing the nurses where to take his temperature, where to put the blood pressure thing (sorry, don't know the correct terminology yet), and even tells them when it is done. He is starting to get a little bossy with them. Something we are going to have to work on. The only time he really gets fussy is when he is tired. We have come a long way! One of the things you can pray for Bryson about is that he gets scared every time he sees is left leg. It looks a little bloody so, once again, he does not want anyone to look under his blanket. His new thing is counting to 100. The only problem is that once he finishes he asks me if I want to hear it again - that can make a person go crazy! The cutest comment he made was to his grandma Hummel on the phone today. He said, "I'm in the hospital, again." I imagine after this year the hospital will seem like a second home to him. The girls seem to be doing really well. When Reagan came to the hospital today she ran up to me, gave me a big hug, and said, "Mommy, I missed you." For a two year old, her vocabulary amazes me. They are both really growing up so fast, which is why sometimes it is hard to leave them this long.
9/25/07 Tuesday 8:15pm Yeah, that's right...8:15pm! Some have you have commented in disbelief when we ever have the time to keep up with these entries and all I say is check the time of the entries. I promise you, after a full day, I don't believe I've ever made one before 10pm and rarely before 11pm...but 8:15? Yeah, you know something's going on. Things are quiet right now in room 4607. If that number sounds familiar, well...it is. It's the same room Bryson was in last time. Originally after surgery we were going to be placed in room 4615 which was a suite (had its own shower in the room). But Nicole, the big-hearted mother that she is, believed it was more important for Bryson to have some consistency than for her to have her own shower. And it was funny...when Bryson was brought to his room after surgery the had to switch him over to the bed that was already in the room. When they switched him to his new bed, his first response was, "Move my bed over." He knew what was going on and that his be was about a foot off-centered. What a brilliant stinker! So by now you're probably wondering about the surgery, huh? I'll get to that in a bit. (It's called a "hook" so you don't get board with this entry and check how the Cleveland Indians are doing on ESPN.com.) A great story: Earlier today as we were packing the van getting ready to leave, Nicole heard a thump and an "Ugh!" and turned so see Bryson sitting on the floor. This was odd because 10 seconds earlier he was sitting on a chair. Nicole asked him what happened and his told her he fell down. Come to find out from Bryson that not only was he trying to stand, he was trying to stand without holding on to anything. What a brave little boy? We were so proud (...but we still had to chuckle at him). I've waited to tell you about it because, frankly, it went so well. We got to the hospital around 2:30pm, he was taken to surgery at about 4:10, was out by 5:30 and up to the 4th floor by 6:30. While they were preparing him, sure, there were a lot of tears. It was especially painful for mom to watch Bryson in the prep room when he went from sitting up and screaming to collapsed and sedated in a matter of 5 seconds. What they did was take a patch of skin off his left thigh that looked something like a piece of gauze (not a solid patch but kind of a criss-cross pattern) and placed it on his right thigh where it will eventually heal together. The most painful part for Bryson, as the doctor warned us, is his left thigh which is best described as a bad case of road rash which is covered with a something that won't stick to his skin and, as the skin under it heals, will eventually flake off. That stuff is then covered with some gauze. It didn't take Bryson long to notice this. We believe this especially upset him because now, not only is his one leg "broken," but now the one good leg he has is being messed with! We discovered that he had picked under that gauze when we noticed his hand was bloody, so they are considering some other kind of material to prevent that. Bryson wasn't to the room 20 minutes when he asked to have a movie put in to fall asleep to. In our heads, Nicole and I collectively gave a "Yeah right!" There's no way he'll sleep to Cars, but it wasn't 10 minutes and he was gone. So here's the plan as we see it: No physical therapy, not much of any activity for that matter until we're gone. Right now we just wait to for the healing. The wound-vac is still on his right thigh but when we leave WE WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT AGAIN...IT WILL BE OFF! WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO! Oh yeah, AND THE FEEDING TUBE! Double WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO! The wound-vac will be changed next Monday so we know we're here until then. Nicole will be staying all week (thanks to everyone back at home who are doing things to cover for her: Penny Sommers, and the Klinks) and I'll make a trip or two back and forth. For me, the most painful part of today was saying goodbye to my girls was they loaded Grandma Osborne's van to leave us again...Reagan especially. She's never been hesitant to go with a grandparent, but this time was different. When I got her buckled up and began to shut the door, she looked at me and began to cry. (This is not like her.) It's obvious this getting shipped off stuff is really getting old and she really just wants her mommy, daddy, and her house. Frankly, I want Pooky (Reagan's nickname), too. But no sooner did Disney's Robin Hood come on the DVD player did she perk up and they were on their way. We're just excited that after this week-long stint, it will be another two months or so until this will happen again. (Pray a special prayer for those girls tonight if you would.) Beau
9/24/07 Monday 11:55pm I'm tired, so forgive me for making this brief and to the point. But with tomorrow's upcoming events, here are a few things we'd value your prayers for. 1) The surgery (duh!) is tomorrow at 4pm. Nicole has talked to Bryson about staying in the hospital and he seemed very upbeat about it...especially picking out some movies to take with him for his stay. We are concerned, though, how he will respond to the doctors hurting his other leg in order to get some skin grafts for his "broken" leg. 2) Our girls will be pitching their tents at Grandma and Grandpa Osborne's home who are graciously skipping their vacation this week to help us. It really gets old shipping them off all the time...I only hope that it doesn't scar them and the moments we do have with them are quality and quantity with what we have to work with. 3) Nicole will be spending the whole time with Bryson. I'll be there overnight tomorrow but then I'll return for work. She put in a good 6 hours of work today (she usually works 10 hours a week). I just hope she gets some rest...physically and mentally. 4) All the loose ends to be tied tomorrow in getting everything packed up for Bryson's and Nicole's stay at the hospital, Reagan and Kennedy's stay at the Osborne's, getting bills payed, obligations covered, and anything we haven't even thought about yet. Nicole and I are really grateful all your prayers. Even if you don't write in our guestbook or email us, simply seeing the numbers turn over each day is comforting. It's not a "Wow, look how popular Bryson is," it's, "Whew...glad we're not on this alone." Thanks for walking with us...still. Beau
9/24/07 Monday 10:30am Tense. It’s the only way to possibly describe the drive to Bryson: Daddy, this is where I got hurt. Me: Where did you get hurt? B: In the yard. M: Where in the yard? B: Over there (pointing around the corner of the house where the accident occurred). M: What happened? B: The lawn mower got me. M: Did it hurt? B: Yeah. M: Did you cry? B: Yeah. M: I cried, too. I cried when you got hurt Bryson. B: No you didn’t…you ran away. (My body froze in disbelief at his shocking statement.) M: No I didn’t. I sat down with you. You had a big bleed didn’t you? B: Yeah. M: Well, I took off my shirt and wrapped it around your leg to stop the bleeding. B: No, you can’t take your shirt off. You ran away. I have a FATHER He calls me His own HE’LL NEVER LEAVE ME No matter where I go He knows my name HE SEES EACH TEAR THAT FALLS Again I began to cry. I did hear Bryson call! I did see him crying. I left him, yes, BUT to go get more help so I could do what was best for him! And it was. As I held his leg, mommy comforted him and he never lost consciousness. People told me he’ll understand someday. But I don’t want someday; I want him to know now how much I love him and how much I hurt for him that night. I didn’t hear the sermon that morning because God was giving me a personal one in the pew. When we’re in crisis, we, too, call out to God for immediate aid. Sometimes we perceive the immediate silence as God not caring. He left me. He doesn’t hear me. He doesn’t understand what I’m going through. If He really cared, He’d do something right NOW. But knowing our pain, hearing our cry, maybe God is just rounding the corner of the house to get someone to work for Him: a co-worker to encourage us, a friend to unexpectedly take us out for a meal, a pay raise out of nowhere, a spouse or parent to get home to listen to us and cry with us. I was giving Bryson what was best and I can’t begin to love him as much as God does. If I want to do what’s best, why wouldn’t, why doesn’t God want it too? He may not look like He’s acting right away, but He is acting in the right way. So that evening we got the girls into the van and before loading Bryson into his seat, Nicole asked him if we wanted to see where he got hurt. Surprisingly, without hesitation Bryson said, “Ok.” So fighting the mob of mosquitoes, we rounded the corner. She asked Bryson where it happened and he pointed (a few feet off, but he had the idea). We asked what he was doing (and Nicole said she knew this already) and he said he was going to see the green house--a new Victorian playhouse they had just put in the backyard—but he “slipped,” he said. He then surprised us by telling us that Grandpa told him to go inside, “But I didn’t.” We knew that was what happened, but to our shock, Bryson did, too. Bryson will be having his skin grafting procedure done TOMORROW AFTERNOON at Beau
9/21/07 Friday 11:15pm Jealousy subsided yesterday. I got to watch Bryson during therapy where he stood up beside a table supporting himself for 5 minutes...5 whole minutes! Then, with the biggest grin I've seen in a long time, with a walker, and the support of the physical therapist, he used the walker and hopped across the room. I was so proud of Bryson, he was so proud of himself, and the therapist was impressed...which added so much validity to his achievement. Then last night we were blessed with having the youth group from the Dayspring Mennonite Church (Canton, Ohio) come to our house. During their 1.5 hour stay, they cleared out our garden, weeded all our flour beds, had a brief rotten tomato fight, and entertained Bryson. What they did in that one night would have easily taken us a week...if we ever would have got around to it. (THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING!) Today Nicole pointed out a happening that, in case we forgot, took us back to how different our lives are now. As I mentioned, Bryson was sitting outside in his wheelchair playing with bubbles as the students were working around our house. To collect all our weeds, we pulled a trailer around on the back of our lawn mower. At one point, as several teens were working in a flower bed out front, the lawn mower (which wasn't mowing) drove toward where the students were working. When Bryson saw the lawn mower heading toward them, though still over 20 feet away, he screamed, "No! Watch out! Watch out!" He talks about that incident much, but it's OBVIOUS he thinks about it often. And now for an update involving our skin grafting surgery. This morning during Bryson's wound-vac procedure, I asked the nurses that if the skin is still healing together, why do the surgery now and not wait and see if it closes together on its own to avoid surgery altogether. The response made sense. What is healing right now is scar tissue and scar tissue would not hold up with a prosthesis. It would keep opening up and bleeding. That leg needs good healthy skin. So as of right now, we are waiting until Monday where after his wound-vac procedure, we meet with Dr. Fabia, Bryson's general surgeon, at 12pm. After that appointment she is then going to call the plastic surgeons and set up the surgery. It could be as early as the end of next week or the first of next week...who knows! Nicole sure wishes she knew so she could begin getting her life planned out in advance for a week stay in Columbus. Thanks again for your continued praying! Beau
9/19/07 Wednesday 10:00pm We're no longer dealing with the same boy. Sure, he still likes chicken and fries, loves race cars Lightning McQueen and Jimmy Johnson, he hates hospitals, needles, and any green vegetable. But therapy today was a completely different story. Oh, how I wish I was there to see Bryson stand 11 times during his 30 minute session...each time straightening out his "broken" leg and even moving it backwards past parallel with the other leg and each time with a smile on his face! One time, while holding on to the walker, he even picked his foot up off the ground supporting his entire body with his arms. Eventually the physical therapist got Bryson to play with her on the ground. As they played with his cars, she got him to reach pretty far for his cars and though he didn't lay completely on his belly, she was very impressed with how much pressure she was putting on his leg. "He's come so far already," she said. These "good days" can be incredibly frustrating. Though I'm ridiculously proud of my son for how much he has progressed and incredibly proud of my wife and not only her patience with Bryson and with me, but with how much work she does with Bryson on her own, I'd give anything to not just hear about these great moments but to see them for myself. So jealous...so jealous...so jealous...so jealous. But whether I'm a direct part of it or not...whether or not I get to experience it firsthand...the goal is not for me to feel good about what's going on, it's for my son to succeed. Today...he succeeded. Today...was a miracle. Beau
9/18/07 Tuesday 11:00pm
Bryson’s wounds were cleaned and sponges changed again today. He was a little whiney, but all in all it went very well. He even gave one of the nurses a hug and blew her a kiss goodbye. I was proud of him. It has to be tiring for him to go to the hospital so often. I know how tiring it is for me. All the way to the hospital now he says things like, “I don’t want to go the Children’s hospital,” “I don’t like anybody or anything,” & “I’m scared of the hospital.” I think I am glad that he doesn’t realize how long this is all going to last. Sometimes ignorance is truly bliss. I have been trying to prepare him about having to stay in the hospital for a week pretty soon, but I think he will be a mess when he realizes that on one of these trips to Columbus we won’t actually being returning home that night. Today we really felt like God answered a specific prayer. Last night we were still dealing with the decision of changing to Akron Children’s which is in network for our insurance or staying in Columbus Children’s which is not. We felt confident with the staff at Beau and I actually got to go on a date tonight. We have claimed this as our anniversary date since our anniversary was actually two days after Bryson’s accident and we were in the hospital. My parents watched the kids for us tonight and we took off. We spent a lot of time talking about hospitals, surgeries, and schedules, but at least we got to talk without three little kids screaming in the background. (We love that those three can scream, but also love a break from themJ) Tomorrow we have physical therapy so you can all pray that Bryson would be willing to try some new movements and that I would have patience with him. I know that Beau shared with you in his update about the article I read yesterday. I was really struck by the comment the little girl’s mother made and could not stop thinking about it further. She had said it might be better that God has not given her an answer as to why her daughter had to go through a foot amputation, because the answer might not be good enough for her. This got me really thinking. You see I really do want people to receive Christ into there lives, but I am not sure I would have chosen it if the price was my son’s leg. I think I can honestly say if God had said to me that if I let Bryson go through this someone I didn’t know may receive his Son’s salvation, I don’t think I would have agreed. I am not even sure I would have agreed to it for the salvation of someone I do know – maybe for a best friend or a family member, but maybe not even then. I was telling Beau that the only one I may have agreed to it for would be the salvation of one my children or Bryson himself. Even then I may have asked for a different way to accomplish the same purpose. And then it struck me, God gave His ONLY son’s life (not just a leg) for me. The most amazing part about it was that He was willing to do this even though I might reject the gift! Try to wrap your mind around that one. I prayed then and I still do that God would give me an eternal perspective as I walk through the rest of my life and that He would give me the kind of love for people He has. That I would be willing to give anything, my dreams, my preferences, or my life, so others might come to know Him. Maybe that is what the old hymn, “I Surrender All,” is really all about. I don’t know that I am there yet, but I know this is where I need to be. Nicole
9/17/07 Monday 11:45pm Todays news: NO NEWS! Nothing seemed to go really wrong...a few small bumps along the road but nothing out of the ordinary. Nicole called it a fairly normal day. That's what I'm talking about. Thanks Lord...in these days, nothing is something great. Tomorrow Nicole will be taking Bryson to Columbus for what may be his last wound-vac change. I say "may be" because they will more than likely try to schedule his skin graft surgery for sometime this week or next. I know I mentioned we're in a bit of limbo with a possible transfer to Akron . But if insurance cooperates, we'll probably just keep Bryson in Columbus just because we're comfortable with the place. And for those of you who are curious, I made my first contact with a Shriner's Hospital today. The closest orthopedic hospital is Erie, PA. (There's a burn hospital in Cincinnati.) At this point we'll look into getting an application as well as just get more information. There are only 30 beds in the Erie hospital so that limits our chances. (If anyone can fill me in on whether we have to go to a Shriner's hospital to get financial aid or if we can get it even though all the work is done at another hospital, I'd greatly appreciate it.) Please pray that our next steps become clear: Columbus or Akron? Insurance or not as much insurance? Columbus or Shriners? It's at the same time an honor and absolutely terrifying be responsible for making such important decisions for a 4 year-old...we just want to be as right and God-honoring as possible. Nicole said I should leave you with a statement from a newspaper article a lady named Carolyn sent us about a 3 year-old girl in Texas. She was a missionary kid in Africa who had some heavy object fall on her, almost killing her, but just requiring her foot to be amputated. The article chronicled the journey of this family. But the mom concluded the article with a memorable thought. She said she asked God so many times to give her the reason why her daughter had to go through this. But after asking the question so long, she was actually glad God never gave her the answer because she said, honestly, "I'm not sure any answer would have been good enough." Sometimes God's silence could be the greatest act of love He could give...though His embrace that accompanies His silence speaks immense volumes as well. Beau
9/16/2007 Sunday 9:15pm Well...I believe I've got a lot of catching up to do...
Friday morning my dad accompanied me on our second trip to Columbus to get Bryson's wound-vac changed. During the procedure we were visited by the plastic surgeon who informed us that after our Tuesday appointment we'd be good to schedule our skin grafting. For the procedure, Bryson would have a good bit of skin grafted off his right thigh and moved to his left thigh and would result in a 5-7 day stay as he healed. This would without question be a painful procedure...the most painful part being the leg where the skin would come from. The doctor said it would be the equivalent of a large strawberry or raspberry (on of those berries)...the kind of wound you get when you slide into base while playing baseball wearing shorts. (The worst part is then sitting in the bathtub...aye-carumba!!!...talk about feeling the burn.) This brings us to one of our current biggest concerns. I've been around insurance all my life. My grandfather was a pastor for 25 years and needing some money to supplement his income, started an insurance business that my dad and his two brothers took over and, now, my brother works for them as well. Now just because my family's in the businesss, means squat when it comes to me getting it. It don't happen by osmosis! What we're discovering is that since Columbus Children's is out of our insurance network, even though our trip was an emergency, we could still possibly be incurring additional UCR charges (you'll want to look up what that means for yourself) that our insurance company won't cover. When a hospital or doctor is "in network," that means the insurance company has negotiated prices for procedures ahead of time and the hospitals/doctors will never charge more. If a company is out of network, the hospitals/doctors have no limit to what they can charge so insurance companies determine ahead of time what is a reasonable cost...the most they will pay...and anything beyond that goes to our bill. The scarry part is the unknown...we won't know how much we may or may not know until weeks or months after the fact. The last thing we want to risk are any more extreme charges so before we hit another major surgery and an extended hospital stay, we're requesting a transfer to Akron Children's Hospital. It's at least 30 minutes closer and it's in network. It's hard in that we already have relationships with all our doctors and we'll have to start all over again. At this time we're just waiting to hear back from Columbus...just waiting. Nicole had a fun weekend away. She left Friday afternoon at 3pm and didn't come back until Saturday evening as she attended a scrapbooking retreat. Every time I talked to her (twice) she seemed to be having a blast. She just needed a blow. We were looking forward to a normal Sunday...that was our first mistake. This morning at 3:30am Bryson called out and need to go potty. After getting him off the potty, his wound-vac began to beep. No big deal, just reset it and put him back in bed...except this problem was a big deal. The wound-vac somehow got completely disconnected. I called down to Children's and after not getting a call back for 15 minutes, I called our local hospital and the told us they could "probably" take care of it. 15 minutes later still, while standing in the ER, (my mom came and stayed with the girls while we went) I got a return call from Children's and, after talking to the ER doctor and nurses, he told me we were where we needed to be...that these people could take care of us. And by the grace of God, one the individuals licensed to do the wound-vac was working the ER that night. After getting our wits together--a lot of screaming from Bryson, tears from Nicole, attempting to take some meds and puking some meds back up--the nurse got things connected again. Did I mention that in the turmoil at home Bryson's feeding tube came out again? Yup...we got that back down him again. So at about 6am we pulled back into our garage. Bryson went back to sleep and was up by 8:30. Nicole stayed home with him while I took the girls to church and, although they didn't get any sleep, they had a very restful morning. As for me, no day was harder than last Thursday. I've been down for hours at a time during a day, but never for an entire day. Yesterday Bryson's foot was getting cold so I had a somber moment when I put just one sock on his foot and left the other on his dresser. And lastly, for the first time last night I had a dream with Bryson having only one leg. It's real...it's really real. (I'd close by saying we're looking forward to having a "normal" day tomorrow...but I know better now.) Beau 9/13/07 Thursday 11:00pm
Finally I had what I affectionately call my first "normal" day, although maybe it was an abnormal day and the rest of the days are normal - let's hope not!
The only scheduled thing today was physical therapy this morning. I was even able to work a couple hours again while the kids were sleeping. To top it off we spent about an hour outside tonight with all three kids and grandma & grandpay Hummel and no tubes were yanked out.
An update on physical therapy: Bryson stood up four times today. Three times during physical therapy and one time on his own by the toliet. I ran upstairs to get something while he was on the toliet and when I was coming back down he was yelling, "hurry, mom, look!" I went into the restroom and he was standing on his one leg and leaning on the toliet. Then he said, "I'm all wobbly." I was just amazed that he did it on his own. Also during physical therapy we worked on balance and leaning on his "broken leg" while sitting down. We finished off by putting him on the floor and trying to lay him on his stomach. This was very hard on him because it hurts when anything touches those wounds. You can pray for us in this. We really need to get him to stretch out the "broken leg" and really start to work it because he will need those muscles to operate his prosthetic.
Another huge step for Bryson tonight was that he actually told me he had to go potty. We think we have figured out the best way for him to go potty now. Because of the injuries to Bryson's penis, when he goes potty it goes everywhere which gets to be a pain to clean up. Well, now we have gotten his old training potty out of the closet. It has a guard on it for boys and that actually keeps everything right in the potty. It is much nicer for us and he likes that potty better because it is shorter and he can balance himself with his left leg.
Some people have asked us how the girls are holding up. They seem to be doing very well. Reagan is now kissing Bryson again. I think before she was afraid of the tube in his nose but now she doesn't seem to mind. She is even pesterin him again. She stands right infront of him when he tries to watch TV and tries to take the toys he is playing with. Kennedy doesn't seemed to be bothered by anything. I actually think she likes the extra attention she gets when visitors and especially grandparents come to visit.
Reagan had surgery above her eye yesterday and it went really well. Today she was totally normal. She ate really well and she didn't seem to be having any pain. She was actually doing sommesaults all over the place. She is such a tough little girl!
As you can probably tell, I have had a much better day today emotionally. Having a little routine and no major catasphrophies goes a long way in my book. I only had one episode today where I got a little unnerved. As I was bathing Bryson his wound vac stopped working. It was full and needed to be changed. I didn't realize it had stopped until Bryson told me his broken leg was bleeding. I looked down and I could tell the sponges weren't constricted and I could see some blood coming out between the sponge and his skin. He started crying and I held the towel around his leg so he couldn't see it. The whole time I just kept thinking please start working so we don't have to make a quick trip down to Columbus tonight. Well, Beau changed the little container that was full and the wound vac started working again. There was only a little blood and nothing to worry about. Praise God! I was so shook up though that I could feel myself wanting to cry and just wanting to nit pick about everything. I finally went upstairs, looked in on Kennedy, she was up, and so I spent about 15 minutes just rocking her in the dark. That is what I needed and I calmed right down.
You could all still remember Beau in your prayers. He said that tonight was a nice night for him but he still had a rough day. Just pray that the hope and peace I felt today he can feel tomorrow.
I want you all to know that I really do read every word on the cards you send, those you right on the cards, the verses you send, and your words of prayers and encouragement on the website. These really are so helpful to me and I want to say "thanks" once again!
Nicole
9/12/07 Wednesday 4:45pm He's sitting on the floor across the room from me playing with his race cars while Grandma Osborne looks on asking countless questions...Bryson proudly answers each one of them. Not a care in the world. Smiles and giggles pierce the silence every few minutes. He smiles...all I ever seem to do is cry. But why should I? Yesterday Bryson got his catheter out, the pin out of his toe, and the cast off his right leg. Today Reagan had a minor outpatient surgery to remove a cyst from above her left eye which she had from birth (we scheduled this well before the accident). Also, this morning Bryson did well with his first physical therapy session, standing twice and putting some good pressure on his left (newly un-casted) foot and let. All things considered, things are working out pretty good...bu two or three times a day I find my tear ducts exploding as I wail. Sometimes silently when people are around and other times audibly like in the car with the windows up, A/C on high, and CD player blasting so no one, not even me, can hear the frustration pouring from my soul. You see, I've sung songs of hope for years from the pews in church and sometimes on the stage to encourage people who are experiencing (O, that ever cliched phrase) "trials and tribulations." I now know why I was the one singing those songs: because when your in midst of those circumstances, it's hard to sing because it's sometimes hard to find the hope or, as my Great-Uncle Ivan Mullet prophetically shared with me yesterday, to not "forget [God's] benefits." (Psalm 103:2) Those songs of hope come out of despair...but usually on the other side. Today I was given a personal concert on my cd player by the group FFH as I sat in the parking lot of the local pharmacy, and this is what God said: O child, it wasn't fair No matter where you go I'll come find you O child, where did you go? You are mine, You are loved YOU ARE WORTH IT ALL Though I know God is with me as I process Bryson's pain and future, deal with insurance frustrations, and try to grasp the magnitude of the torment his mother lives in watching her son struggle each day to cope with his newfound limitations. This Sunday I'll be leading our praise team at church...though it's going to be incredibly hard to sing. It may not be a song of praise but a cry for help put to music. I know God's promises...people say they are true...shoot...so have I for many years. I just can't wait for Nicole to experience them for herself, Bryson for himself and...dear God...me for myself. Beau 9/10/07 Monday 11:00pm
The adrenaline rush is over, reality is setting in, and hopefully we have hit bottom and that there is no where to go but up.
Beau and I had good talk tonight. We talked about the dreams we had for Bryson that are gone, the activities we used to do that don't seem important anymore that we want to give up, insurance and financial issues, and even about our updates on this website and how we want to be real with everyone but don't want to sound like we are griping all of the time.
Well, I have opted to be real. The Sunday school lesson I taught the teens this week was probably just meant for me. It was about sharing our brokeness with people so that they will see Jesus' healing in our lives and be drawn to Him. So yes, we are at a low point in our lives. We both do a lot of crying at nights. Beau has a hard time going to work, because he just wants to spend time with his boy and not only see him at the end of the day when Bryson is tired and irritable. I have a hard time not having some kind of routine so it is very wearing on me. I share this with you because I really do know that this is a season in our lives, God will heal our brokeness, and maybe someone will be drawn to Him because they are broken and need healing too. I struggle to change sheets on the bed every morning, empty catheters, and put medicine down a feeding tube, while keeping up with the normal parts of being a mother and feeling like I accomplished nothing all day. I even cried today on the phone with my insurance case manager because I was overwhelmed by all of the questions that I did not always have the answers for and by the idea of switching hospitals and doctors to Akron Children's because they are in network. If you know me much, you know that I don't get overwhelmed easily and that I don't cry easily either. So, if you really want to know how we are doing? Not so good, actually we am pretty drained, but we do have hope for the future and know that God is still working.
That being said,
Praises today - Bryson was on the floor playing and was scooting himself around a little while some friends Kolette and Sidney were there to play
I am amazed and encouraged by the people who are willing to help in so many different ways.
Prayer requests - Lots of patience for us as we are easily getting irritated.
Safe travel tomorrow morning (my mom is driving us down while my mother inlaw watches the girls) and that maybe we would be able to get rid of some of Bryson's extra equipment tomorrow - even if it is just one thing
My daughter Reagan is having a cysts removed above her eye at Akron Children's hospital on Wed while Beau stays home with Bryson while he has physical therapy
More trust in God that He is in control of the future and less worry about things we cannot control.
Thanks for your prayers!
Nicole
9/9/07 Sunday 10:15pm Really nice day today...but as with most it came with the priceless and the painful. Priceless Moment: This morning as I stood in front of the church to lead our sharing/prayer time, I got the honor of pointing out that my son was in church. At that moment I turned to my son sitting about 5 rows back and got his attention with a "Hi Bryson" and a waive and is response took my breath away: huge grin, huge dimple on the right cheek, and a "Hi Daddy" and waive in return. Painful Moment: Nicole spent some time entertaining Bryson during the church service with one of those magnetic drawing boards. At one moment Bryson asked if she could draw a picture of him and she quickly produced a stick figure with little feet and a smile. Bryson took one look and then corrected Nicole: "No mommy, draw my broken leg." He continued, "Mommy, draw a sad face." Painfully, she changed the smile to a frown, removed the bottom of his right let, and put a cast on his left. This afternoon, I asked Bryson why he wanted a sad face. Sadly, I couldn't get an answer. The poor boy has got so much to process. And I think what's been so hard on me is that I'm so concerned about helping Bryson deal with things that I myself am unable to deal with the fullness of what is going on. Even last night as I lay in bed beside him as he tried to fall asleep, I caught myself thinking, "My son doesn't have a leg." And the oddest part was it was as though I was realizing it for the first time all over again. I'm beginning to see that the pain will end no time soon...but I'll take take that dimply smile from my son any day of the week. Beau 9/8/07 Saturday 11:00am As we get ready to leave for my niece's 4th birthday party, I wanted to inform you quickly on some things we learned about our near future regarding Bryson's leg. In the midst of his procedure yesterday morning, I asked the nurses how long his wound-vac would have to be one. (this is a portable unit that is connected to his leg that we carry everywhere with us.) She didn't know. But through our conversation I discovered that it's doing more than simply removing fluids from the open wounds in Bryson's thigh, but it is also pulling the skin closer together so it can heal together. (Just as you put stitches in an open wound to pull the skin together for healing.) She said the wounds are getting smaller, though still pretty large, and they'd keep the wound-vac on as long as it continues to heal. The plastic surgeons will check on him during his Tuesday procedure to see his progress. The more it heals, the less skin grafting he'll need...if any. But if at any point it appears the wounds are no longer healing, the plastic surgeons will set up a time for a skin graft procedure as soon as they can get him in...we're talking either the next day or the next week after they make the decision. After the procedure, he'll then be in the hospital for a minimum of 5 days. All this must take place some time before he gets his prosthesis so that the new skin (or healed skin) can toughen up and handle the pressure his leg will put on the new limb. (Deep breath--just one more thing we can't prepare for that we'll try to prepare for.) Now yesterday we had a blast. Bryson's Uncle Ken and Aunt Cara Osborne came with their newborn daughter Sidney. Twice during their stay, I heard some noise coming from Bryson's room. I peaked in to find Ken sitting beside Bryson's bed. Ken was singing while Bryson played a little electronic keyboard. The words were the only thing recognizable...Ken's singing and Bryson's playing...well...let's just say the most important thing was seeing the huge dimple on Bryson's right cheek. It was too funny. God has been so good to us through the many of you who've been reading and praying for our family. The emails, guestbook entries, cards, and gifts (of both the fun and financial type) have been overwhelming! Thanks for you're incredible acts of generosity and love. Someday it will be fun to try to explain to Bryson the magnitude of people who prayed for him...most of whom he'll never know. I cherish that day even if it will never make sense to him. Beau
9/6/07 Thursday 11:00pm
I remember telling Beau on Wed that I was really looking forward to today. I thought it would be our first “normal” day home. The only things we had planned were for the physical therapist to come around Our first “normal” day: Late Wed evening as Beau told you we were having problems with Bryson’s catheter. As hopeful as we were the night before is how awful we felt this morning. Bryson woke up crying at 9:30am my mother-in-law picked up the girls, Beau went to work, and Bryson and I loaded in the van and made our way back to children’s hospital. The whole trip he was either whimpering or dozing off. The two hour drive was very long this way. I spent a good part of the trip praying that God would just help Bryson to sleep until we got to the hospital because I couldn’t stand to hear him crying all of the way. God answered my prayers. When Bryson would start to stir I kept praying and then he would rest again. Maybe I don’t want anymore “normal” days! The plan now is to have the catheter out on Tuesday – one less tube to worry about and for that we will be grateful! Please pray for Beau and Bryson as they make there way down to I am looking forward to spending a morning with my girls which I haven’t done in three weeks! Beau and I were just talking tonight about how encouraged we are by all of the comments and cards. We are truly blessed! Nicole
9/5/07 Wednesday 11:20pm Early on our big concern with Bryson was control: going through a crisis situation, what he needed most was and is control. We're still giving him opportunities to make his own choices--a choice between two movies or what does he want cleaned first? We've also discovered another vital need for our boy: a safe place. I should have seen it. Every time I bend down to pick him up to move him out of bed, off the couch, off the toilet, out of the car seat...wherever...and with a whimper he looks into my eyes with fear and says, "Daddy, be gentle." I try I really do. But maybe there is something about the way I handled him in the past. Maybe I was too careless and bumped against his cast or let his wound-vac cord pull from his remaining thigh. Not sure, but he really wants to know that whoever he's dealing with he can trust. After all he's been through it's understandable. But tonight we discovered where Bryson feels the safest... ...at church. More specifically, with his friends at church. Tonight at the end of Bible Buddies his teachers asked to pray. In response, Bryson asked if they could pray for his broken leg. And immediately after making that request, he pulled off his blanket and showed all his friends his amputation. AMAZING! He's terrified to go out in public with his legs uncovered. He's even uncomfortable to be carried across the room at home without his blanket. But to his bestest, most trusted friends, he didn't hesitate to reveal his leg. He felt safe. As though, regardless of any flaw, he'd be loved. Isn't that what we're all looking for? Whether in a spouse, a friend, or a church...a person or a place where we can be received or accepted regardless of who he is or what we've done? That's what a church can be...could be...should be. Shoot, if we're all in search of it, why are so few of us willing or able to express it to someone else. Bryson made us so proud tonight. What an incredible step! And one last praise. A moment of crisis turned into a moment of hope when tonight he went to the bathroom and he urinated...that shouldn't happen since he has a catheter! As Nicole cleaned up the mess (quite a bit got on the bed before we got him to the bathroom), I contacted a doctor at Columbus Childrens who calmly told me that if his catheter didn't appear to have been pulled out (which it didn't), this was a good sign. At the time the catheter was put in, he would have been swollen. The fact that he can urinate means the swelling is going down and there is room around the catheter. We need to call the urologist tomorrow, but we are now more hopeful. And why shouldn't we? Didn't Jesus say right before He left, "I will never leave you or forsake you"? Beau (By the way, we had our first physical therapy today and more tomorrow. Fill you in then.)
9/4/07 Tuesday 11:00pm
Today was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. First down: Bryson and I had to get up early to get to Columbus Children’s Hospital by Up: Great appointment. The urologist thought everything in the private areas was healing nicely and we may be able to get rid of the catheter by early next week, Bryson’s leg wounds looked well, and stitches were taken out of his toes and also private areas. Down: We took the kids outside after dinner to blow bubbles, put Bryson in his wheelchair, gave him his new bubble gun, and in the process his feeding tube got caught in the wheel and was yanked out of his nose. Beau called Dr Stan Boyd and he graciously came over right away to our house and was able to get the feeding tube back into Bryson. (This is the second time he has come to our rescue and we have only been home 4 days.) This was not without drama though, Bryson screamed the whole time and was even gagging himself. I knew this was going to happen so I chickened out and gave the girls a bath and put them to bed. I had a good cry afterwards like a mother who is sick of seeing her child in pain. I cannot wait for the first pain free day! Up: One of Bryson’s friends, “Rachie” came to visit and it really lifted his spirits. They were having a blast making “stink” noises with a toy called “Flarp.” Beau and Bryson went to bed shortly after and this mother had a few quiet moments to get things wrapped up and type this update before hitting the sack. Enough of the roller coaster now. I have wanted to share with you all a short devotional. While I was in the hospital I did my normal devotions but was not able to read a little devotional book I like to read before I go bed every night because it was at home. When I returned I picked up where I left off and started reading two a day to get caught up (there is one for each day of the year.) Anyway, the book is called “Bedside Blessings” by Charles Swindoll and read what the devotional was for Aug 18th, the day after Bryson’s accident: “Nothing surprises God. What puzzles us is permitted by our Lord, for reasons too profound to grasp. It is put together in the counsel of His own will so that it fits perfectly into His plan for His glory and for His purposes. As His servant, I say in response, ‘I will not fear. Though I don’t understand it, I will not fear. Though You take something that’s deeply significant to me, though You allow a catastrophe to strike, I will not fear. I will not blame, I will not doubt, and I will not question.’ Cease striving, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)” I wonder if Charles Swindoll will ever know that God gave him those words to put in a book under Aug 18th so that He could speak to me. So for tomorrow please pray for Bryson’s first meeting with the home physical therapist at around 9:30am, Bryson’s first time back to Bible Buddies (his Wed night church meeting) with a wheelchair, a cast, a feeding tube, a catheter, and no right leg, and Beau’s and my first youth group meeting with the new Freshmen since “the accident.” Nicole
9/3/07 Monday 10:30pm We're starting to settle in at home. It was a crazy day, but for the most part the girls are doing incredibly well with Bryson though we can tell they've been away from mom and dad for a while and with their grandparents for the past two weeks. (Parents, you may know what I'm talking about...rules tend to be a wee bit looser with grandparents!) He's taking his meds better and doing ridiculously well moving his casted (left) foot. He's even sitting up for 20 minutes at a time about 3 times each day. TODAY HE EVEN STOOD UP WITH THE WALKER TWICE WITH OUR HELP BUT WITH LITTLE RESISTANCE TO THE IDEA! (THAT'S WORTH A PRAISE!) We did have one slight scare this evening though. While sitting up and hitting around a balloon with a college student from our church who taught his VBS class this summer, Bryson fell off his chair. It scared me to death as he winced and whimpered...Nicole even said it made her sick. I should let you know, one his right thigh, there is still an open wound (where you can see through to the muscle) the size of my hand and on the base of his thigh where the amputation took place, there is an open wound the size of a baseball covered only by a thin layer of sponge. (I saw this as they were changing his dressings last Friday.) We got him back up on his little chair and, surprisingly, the crying quit quickly as he just looked at his leg and touched it lightly for a little while. It wasn't long until he asked if he could hit the balloon again. We suggested another game. I'd like to ask you to pray for Nicole: Tomorrow she and Bryson will be on the road at 6am for the 1 hour 45 minute drive to the hospital (that's minus any rush hour traffic they might hit) so they can be there at 8:30 for a 9am procedure to redress his leg. (This is the procedure we'll be having twice a week for the next 2-3 weeks.) She'll have a cup of coffee in hand and a Diet Coke in her purse...I just hope she makes the trip ok. We've had several people volunteer to go with her, but the determined person she is, she wants to see if she can do it on her own first. Pray for a good day. Beau
9/1/07 Saturday 11:15pm This update is dedicated to my mother-in-law who got on me for not posting an update yesterday:) We're home...finally. And I don't say finally because of the 14 days spent in the hospital. Because in some ways it went by so fast, and in other ways the accident seems like an eternity ago. No, I say finally because after being given an estimated discharge time of between 2-4pm, we pulled onto I-71 at 7pm. And after stops at Wendy's (for chicken and fries), the Buckeye Corner (to gear up for today's game), and Wal-Mart (for our own Candyland), we pulled into our driveway at 10pm...but our night wasn't over. As we got Bryson's meds ready, we discovered we hadn't received two. I called the and spoke with a doctor I've never talked to before and his first response was, "Why did you leave without them?" THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION! So with all our local pharmacies closed, the nearest 24-hour pharmacy at least 45 minutes away, and almost a 2 hour drive to Columbus Childrens, God bailed us out through the good people at our local county hospital (Pomerene Hospital). I was convinced God's hand was in it the minute I called and spoke with the hospital operator. When I told her who the meds were for, there was an awkward pause. "That's funny," she said, "I was just reading his website." (Found out later it was the first time she ever got on it.) So along with the help of Dr. Stan Boyd (on-call physician and relative), they bent over backward to get me the meds I needed. So at 12am, I got what I needed to make it through the night. Today was great. It helped that Bryson slept like a rock (and so did mom and dad). He slept from about 9pm to just after 8am. All day he was a gem, not even noticing the one time we were giving him his meds in the evening! And socially he did great the first time out of the house as we went to my brother's house to watch the Buckeyes game. And as the night came to his close, his sisters returned home, and boy were they excited to see him! Also, Nicole wanted me to mention that her four previous frustrations have all turned into praises (funny how that happens sometimes): 1) The concern about finding babysitting while we went for Bryson's physical therapy is non-existent since we've found a company that will come to our house! 2) Bryson hasn't gone potty in his pants for 4 days. 3) Bryson has adjusted very well to the feeding tube which makes the final blessing possible. 4) Bryson hates taking his meds orally, but with the feeding tube we can give them to him without him even noticing! Thank you for praying...and thank you God for working! Nicole just said to me, "You know, as crazy as today has been (putting everything away and adjusting to post-accident life), it feels good to be home." I couldn't agree more. Beau 8/31/07 Friday 8:00am I have started this new thing since Bryson has been in the hospital - it is called journaling. It is in the middle of the night, so instead of thinking of something new to say tonight I will just let you read a part of tonight's journal entry. 8/29/07 Wednesday 11:15pm If you read Nicole's update, you'll get a good feel for how I'm feeling: I'm ready to go home, but I'm stressed about dealing with the uncertain newness of what's to come. Beyond dealing with our frustrations and fears, it was a pretty good day. We got another visit from a former Buckeye today: Steve Bellisari, quarterback of the Buckeyes from 1997-2000, visited Bryson in the 4th floor play room (interrupting Candyland). We made this connection through his fiance (Annie Miller) who grew near my hometown. We had a great 15 minutes with them before moving on to lunch. Besides this visit (and a few frustrating moments relating to using the potty--or not using the potty--throwing up his feeding tube, and taking his medications), Bryson was brilliant throughout the day. I can't remember seeing him smile so much for so long since we arrived 12 nights ago! Plans are beginning to come into view for our family following our stay here, still with some gaps to fill, but I feel it's time to start letting you in on what we know. 1. Plans are to possibly leave tomorrow evening following Bryson's afternoon procedure on his right thigh though it is still in the hands of the general surgeon and we ultimately won't know until tomorrow morning. But when we do find out, trust me, we'll let you know. 2. We'll be returning home with a feeding tube for an indefinite amount of time. 3. We will be returning to Columbus every Tuesday and Friday for the next three weeks for the same procedure to clean up his thigh. 4. Two other times each week we'll either have to come to Columbus for physical therapy, though the hospital is trying to make plans with our local hospital in Millersburg (OH) or training center to do therapy closer to home or in our home. 5. Bryson will have his cast removed in approximately three weeks. 6. In 3-4 weeks, Bryson will have his catheter replaced and at that point we'll be given a progress report on how long it may have to stay in while his urethrea heals around it. 7. There will be several visits to the orthopedic surgeon, pediatric urologist, and physical therapist here at Columbus Childrens during the next few months. 8. In 2-3 months, when his leg heals and his skin gets tough, we'll return to the hospital where Bryson will be fitted with a prosthetic leg and will stay there to do rehab with the leg for 3-4 weeks. 9. No surgery will even be attempted on his privates for at least 9 months. A lot to wrap or minds around. A lot of rescheduling our lives to do. But if you knew our son, if you loved him like we do, as scared as I am and as frustrated as Nicole is, you'd know why it's worth it. Shoot--as frustrating as we can be, as stupid as some of our decisions are, as much hurt as we've caused--its kind of a wonder God would choose to love us anyway. But regardless of who we are, where we've been or what we've done, God believes we're worth all His love. Now that's a lot to wrap our minds around! Oh, I want to love like God...as He loves me, that's how I'll love my son. God give me the patience and persistence to make you proud. Amen. Beau 8/29/07 Wensday 6:00pm It is days like the last couple of days that make me glad I don't base my faith on feelings alone because right now I am only feeling frustration. Today we spent the day preparing for our discharge from the hospital. The first frustration of the day was about physical therapy. The original plan was to do physical therapy before Bryson's procedures at children's hospital twice a week. Well, the procedures are scheduled for 9:00am so physical therapy doesn't seem practical to do it as originally planned. The new plan would be to take Bryson either to Pomerene hospital or some other place around home on the other three days of the week for an hour of physical therapy. The frustrating part is that every week day I will need to find a babysitter and that just tires me out to think of all of the running around. Frustration #2 Bryson keeps going "dirty" in his bed and he has not done that in well over a year. I already have to change diapers for two right now and cleaning up Bryson twice a day is not how I want to go home. We have spent a good part of the evening trying to convince Bryson that he has to go in the potty! Frustration #3 feeding tube. We just found out today that Bryson will be going home with the feeding tube. He is just not getting enough calories even if he eats all of his food to make up for the calories to heal his body. But that is not it. Tonight when Bryson was eating he puked up his feeding tube. The protective mommy in me kicked in again tonight and I refused the feeding tube to be put back in tonight and asked that they do it when he is sedated tomorrow during his procedure. Finally, frustration #4 is oral medicines. These have always been a problem for Bryson. Today he puked twice after taking the medicine orally, but we really need to get him to do this without puking since this is what we will After reading over this, I know I should just be thankful that Bryson is alive (believe me, I am) and that these frustrations in the whole scheme of things are very petty, but they are real right now. My specific prayer request today is that you all pray that instead of four frustrations And I can't say it enough - thanks so much for the continual prayers and words of encouragement. Nicole 8/28/07 Tuesday 11:15pm Let me summarize today as quick as I can: GREAT. Therapy was good. His appetite--lots of french fries and maybe 5 chicken nuggets--was good. His attitude was great. His chance to hold his 1 day old cousin Hailee while laying in his hospital bed...priceless. His Candyland skills...oh you know they were good! Add them together an he did great. As his appetite improves, we're still holding on to hope of going home on Thursday, but there is still some work to be done. One of the most special moments of the day was our visits from two men, Todd Espenscheid and Russ Conley: both men in the young forties with above the knee amputations (and with them they each brought one of their children). They a gift for Bryson along with the children's book entitled My Brand New Leg and told us they would be sending us information on books and magazines to help us deal with our new situation and that they would continue to be an available resource for us. But a great part of their purpose for visiting was to allow Bryson to see them and their prosthetic limbs. According to Russ, their goal was just to make Bryson curious...not to shock him but to allow him to observe their legs so he would begin to ask more questions or at least begin to process what his future will be like. One moment broke my heart. Russ put his leg up to show Bryson. His prosthesis looked nothing like a human leg, but a bionic leg of metal. While showing it to Bryson he asked what colors he saw in his leg. After pointing out the black, blue, and silver for sure (maybe more), Russ then asked Bryson what color of leg he wanted. I swallowed hard as Bryson replied, "I don't want a leg like that." I don't understand it fully either, Bryson. I don't understand why you're going to have a leg different from the majority of other humans. I don't understand why your right leg will never be tan again after a summer spent at your Grandparents' pools or why it will never get hairy like mine or "beardy" like your mom's after a time of not shaving. I don't understand why it had to be your leg that's missing and not mine. Dear son, I wish I had the answers...but I don't. I'd pay what little money I had to make sense of everything for you (and for me, for that matter) right now...but as much as I love God, the One who does know, I can't. But Bryson, as Pastor Wil Bears told me today as we sat on the couch beside you as you blissfully watched your movies, even Job, the most tormented man in the Bible--the man who had more things go wrong than you and I can even imagine today (lost his his children, his wealth, and his health at the same time) and asked more questions than you and I can even think of--even after his life worked out okay in the end (receiving back all he had lost), God still never gave him a reason why it all had to happen. Maybe it happened for you, me, and your mom. The events which occurred thousands of years ago might just have happened for us to show us that God has a track record for making everything right in the end. That it's not about answers, it's about the outcome: that we remain obedient and God remains faithful. If I had answers son, I'd tell you why your leg will be different than everyone in your high school graduating class. But the only answer I have is that I KNOW God's going to do something with it. That's more than enough for me and I'm going to live my life as I raise you up so that you will see that it is enough for me in hopes that you will seek out God's will and that, someday, it will be good enough for you. (Thanks again, to all you who are praying, for blessing my family.) Beau 8/28/07 Tuesday 8:00am I want you to all know from the bottom of my heart that your comments and cards are so encouraging. I get teary eyed every time I read them. Your prayers are being answered. As I am sure Beau will update you we had a crazy morning with three times before we actually got the fourth IV and then went to get his pic line in, but now hopefully "poke" free for a while. I don't know if Bryson realizes how much better this is, but I certainly resting a little easier knowing that I won't have to hold him down anymore for IVs. Tonight we got to see even more glimpses of our Bryson today. He was laughing, eating some, and was using his "nice words" with the nurses. You guys would just be amazed at the change he has made in a few days. Another answer to your prayers was that I got to speak with the discharge lady at the hospital today. She sought me out! I got some much needed answers about when we might be going home, what we need to accomplish to get there, and about what things we would need to do at home for Bryson. For this planner and organizer that was a much welcome release. Beau, on the other hand, is very overwhelmed about returning home so please pray about that, because this mom is getting anxious to get her whole family together again and get them all home. You can also pray that Bryson would eat, and eat, and eat some more. The lady I spoke with today felt like if Bryson would eat more the earliest we would be going home is Thursday, so pray that we could find some creative ways to force feed Bryson ensure and maybe we One more prayer request for today, that Beau and I would have the right words to say to other people and to Bryson about Bryson's leg. A kid in the play room today asked me why Bryson was sitting in the chair. I honestly did not know how to answer him. I just told him that Bryson's leg was broken, but didn't know how to explain that Bryson's leg was amputated. I was actually afraid that I would put the kid into shock or that he might say something to Bryson that would make Bryson feel like there was really I have been reminded the last couple of days about the story of Job in the Bible. (For those of you who don't know the story you will want to read about it. It is amazing.) Anyway, not too long ago I taught my teen Sunday School lesson on it. God must have known at that time that I would need to have this story firmly planted in my mind. The part I am struck by is that although God did not cause all of the bad things to happen to Job and his family, Satan did have to approach God before he could do anything. God had amazing confidence in Job that his faith would stand through all of these trials. I cannot help but think that this "accident" with Bryson's leg went before the Father and He knew we could handle it. Just pray that we would prove faithful during this season of our lives. Incase you haven't heard, Beau and I were blessed to go to Riverside Hospital today and see our newest niece, are 7th niece I might add. She is beautiful and it was so nice to go to a hospital for a happy occasion. I would share with you all of the details, but I did not check with my brother and sister-inlaw about sharing it, so I won't for now. Maybe though, they will bring her to the hospital to see Bryson and we can get a picture of them together.(hint!hint!) Well, it is my night to sleep in Bryson's room so hopefully this will be the Nicole 8/27/07 Monday 12:15am (Tuesday Morning)
8/26/07 Sunday 11:00pm Everyone needs a day of rest. Even God took a break after creating the world. Sunday is considered by most Christians to be a day of rest. And if it weren't for daddy and mommy, today might have been a day of rest for Bryson, too. We had a hoot this morning getting Bryson out of bed and, on a cart, taking him to the playroom and introducing him to Candyland. Which we played once with his 5 year old friend Shannon and two other times with mommy and daddy. And each time, oh yes, he won. After a good 30-45 minutes of games, he asked if we could go outside. Nicole and I looked at each other stunned: he actually wants to get out of the room. We couldn't turn that offer down so we went outside to the playground on the roof. Things couldn't have gone better...except that the one responsible for bringing along the IV stand allowed his feeding tube to get stuck in the wheel of the cart. That responsible one was me. Upon returning to the room, Bryson not only had to be held down to put in his feeding tube (which had to be done twice because he yanked it out the first time), we then discovered that through the morning's trauma, his IV went bad again. So instead of allowing him to be stuck for the 7th time this week, Nicole proudly represented Bryson and refused the IV (the nurses said they didn't blame us). Now exhausted, Bryson took a brief a nap. The day and evening was filled with some nice visitation including our girls and other family, our church friends, some of Bryson's church friends, a friend from college, two of my long lost cousins (Andy and Allison Boyd), and a complete stranger. Todd is an adult from Columbus and heard from one of his family members who lives within 30 minutes of my hometown that we were in the area. As an amputee of not two years, he felt compelled to visit us and encourage our family. Upon leaving, he offered to come again when Bryson was awake and just hang out for a while so Bryson could notice his leg while he interacted with us. What a gift! And an even bigger gift was Bryson's appetite. Okay, so he didn't down a Big Mac, small fry, and a medium coke, but he did down a chocolate chip cookie and a small fry. And that in itself is worth giving God praise! Most of you have probably read Nicole's last posting by now and to be perfectly honest, as restful as this day could have been, the culmination of this entire experience has not been. We are weary. The nights are short (she's probably still up paying some bills as I write) and the days are stress-filled. But God has not stopped showing his goodness. And based on how he's worked in the past, I don't foresee it ending anytime soon. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your persistence in praying. Beau 8/26/07 11:00am I am usually the positive one in our marriage and the one who is always worried about facts and Beau is usually the one who is a little pessimistic and is more emotional. I think today things are changing a little. I am not pessimistic right now on how things will be a year from now - I know Bryson will amaze us - but I am tired. I am tired of holding Bryson down while he gets another IV. I am tired of seeing my son being scared to death of having his blood pressure taken, leaving his.hospital room, getting out of bed, having anybody look under the blanket, having more than two nurses in the room at a time, and even having someone push his pain medicine button. I am tired of feeling like I have to make excuses for my son being cranky when given his circumstances I would probably be worse. I am tired of trying to figure out when we might be going home and what going home will be like. I am tired of sleeping in separate rooms than my husband, even though I know Bryson needs one of there at night and I am tired of only seeing my girls for a half an hour here and there. To be honest I am just tired, so I can't imagine how Bryson feels. It must have been theraputic (not sure on the spelling) for me to type this because this is the first I did want to share a cute story for you from yesterday about Bryson. When Coach Tressel came yesterday he left a notebook for Bryson that he had 8/25/07 Saturday 11:55pm "In peace I will both lie down and sleep. Lying down has never been a problem. When the lights go down and the day comes to a close, a bed or a couch calls my name pretty loud. But sleep...that's the tricky one. You've heard of sleepless nights...those nights when your head hits the pillow but the sandman never hits you? On week ago today, I would have thought it would be impossible to find rest. But God is good (oh yeah, I'm hearin' you say "all the time") and in him--through my little boy, His Word, and through the church--I've not only found rest for my weary body, but rest for my weary mind, for my troubled soul, and my waning spirit--today was about my spirit. No day is perfect. But when things seem to be at their lowest, the bad seems to scream which the good is muffled. Today good screamed. Bryson had his share of rough moments. Today was the sixth time he was given a new IV. It hurt him...and as it should for any good mother, it hurt Nicole. Why put him through pain time and time again? We're hoping for a pick line to be put in on Monday (not sure what it is but it sounds a whole lot better). I stood outside the room as he screamed at the nurses which was followed by a solid 3 hours of sleep. But take that chunk out of the day, and it would have been near perfect. This morning we got him out of his bed for an extended amount of time for the very first time. We put him in a cart and took him out on the 3rd floor roof where there was an outdoor playground. Although he couldn't play, he seemed so free to be out of the sterile hospital element. Because of the heat and humidity, we eventually made our way in to the play room where he met a 5 year old girl who was in for her 15th (or 16th) surgery on her kidneys. What seemed to refresh Bryson, besides playing with toys, drums, and seeing his face on the computer was seeing that he wasn't the only kid in this hospital and that this place really wasn't as rotten as he thought. He then returned for his 11am therapy session where he played a fishing game and...need I say it...he won again. Once again he had to stand twice at the walker, which he did, which he didn't like, which he didn't like again. [Here is the episode of the IV.] Then as I was walking out of my room (for no real good reason that I could recall), I turned the corner only to come face to face with a face I'd never dreamed I'd face. Pardon the redundance, but it's hard to know how to describe what it feels like coming face to face with Jim Tressel, coach of the Ohio State Buckeyes football team, and he's there to see your son specifically. Our nurse Danielle nearly collapsed in the nurses' station (that's what she said) and Bryson's Grandpa Osborne began to sweat furiously as this sports icon stood alongside the bed in room 4607. But ask my wife: I seemed to hold myself together pretty well as we spoke together about our family's current condition to which he offered his condolences and his encouragement. After a brief photo session (and my son, half asleep, I believe will be the only person in the history of the world who ever got his picture taken with Jim Tressel to say, "NO MORE PICTURES!" and really mean it), signing two hats and a coaching notebook for my son, and invitations to Bryson to attend both a football practice this year and (I'm pinching myself because I'm really not sure if I heard it correctly still but I think Uncle Ken will vouch for me) to next year's Ohio State/Michigan football game. Yup...almost passed out on that one! Just as we were gathering our wits about us and making fun of ourselves for some of the mindless things we did or said, in came another surprise...but let me provide some background first: Last Friday morning, I got Bryson dressed first and then got myself ready for the day that eventually turned infamous. When I walked out of my bedroom wearing my new Ohio State football jersey, Bryson eyed me jealousy and stated, "I don't want to wear this shirt. I want to wear my football shirt." Nicole and I knew it was time to get out the brand new jersey she had just purchased the week before: a number 33 OSU jersey. Bryson was so exited that we not only had to visit Grandpa Hummel to show him that morning, but he screamed at the EMTs not to cut it off in the helicopter that night. A lady out our church (Sarah Lehman, the wife of a Florida Gator alum no less) made some connections so that Bryson could meet that number 33. So not 15 minutes after Coach Tressel left the room, in walked number 33--the starting middle linebacker and newly selected captain James Laurinaitis. What was so incredible about the entire experience was that here you have two men who are nationally recognized in their field and they visit a 4 year old amputee of a rural youth pastor and his wife. They have been given a remarkable platform to make a difference, and they don't waste it. You see the time they took that afternoon was not required or forced. They didn't do it for money (I couldn't have afforded it!). They did it to make a difference. They did it for their Savior. Tressel is known by many to be a born-again believer and he, while he left, thanked me for my service. ME of all people. And before signing my son's new number 33 jersey (which we won't show him for a few years because he'll be made someone wrote on his shirt), and spending the next 15 minutes talking to and signing autographs for other kids on 4 west, James Laurinaitis shared his testimony with me. These two guys will have incredible opportunities in life to do whatever pleases them, and they chose to use their Saturday afternoon to lift the spirits of my family, and please God. By the end of their visits, Bryson woke up enough to give James Laurinaitis a big hug. And as he walked away, I couldn't help but think how much that hug meant to me. And it's similar to the hugs my family's been receiving through the emails and comments on this website. We read them all...even multiple times. For the encouraging words of Coach Tressel, the hug of James Laurinaitis, and the notes from people praying for our son all around the world has been God's way of laying me on his chest and letting me rest just as I did for my three children when they were infants. Except this rest was for my spirit...a rest that, if you are searching for, can come through Jesus Christ alone. Beau 8/24/07 Friday 11:55pm As Bryson was coming to after a 30 minute procedure to take of the sponges on his right thigh (that combined with a vacuum mechanism are keeping the bad fluids from his thing in order to help the skin fragments come together and his leg heal faster and hopefully without the use of skin grafts), his nurses couldn't help but tell us Bryson's first words with a smirk on his face: "I want want my mommy, daddy, Reagan, Kennedy...AND I'M NOT AN ELEPHANT!" This must have been one of the most rewarding days to date. After I reported an incredibly long night, many of you must have been praying, because seeing Bryson, one would have thought he slept like are rock and had Mountain Dew or Red Bull (dedicated to our friend Dave Barker) in his IVs. The kid was on fire all morning. Before mommy arrived after going back to the Ronald McDonald House for some more sleep, Bryson and I had some boy time which was pretty cool. After all, it is Bryson who says, "Boys rule, girls drool!" He was in stitches and did the same for me. He was launching matchbox cars as projectiles and laughing hysterically each time they flew across the room. He's been rejecting pictures for some reason but today he was willing to make silly faces while wearing his ridiculous sunglasses Papa Hummel bought him. When his Great-great aunts and his Great-grandma Mary Hummel arrived, they gave him two little gag toys. One was a mini ice cream cone which, with the pull of a trigger, he was able to shoot off the foam ice cream into someone's face. He did it to every nurse he could get, to each of his visitors, the cleaning lady Nancy (who has been an incredible Christian witness and encouragement to me), and countless times to me. Each time his response was the same: with a mouth full of little white teeth glistening in the midst of a smile that was a mile wide (with that enchanting little dimple in his right cheek), he would explode with laughter. It never got old for him...and seeing him smile never got old for me. He was brilliant during physical therapy (thanks again for your prayers). This time he sat up on a little blue-cushioned bench and put together a puzzle and played a game with flamingos (and winning each game, of course). In between games he stood up twice--through a lot of tears--but he did it and made Nicole, myself, and Great-grandma Mary so proud as she looked on. The only setback for the day was the insertion of a feeding tube because he's just not eating. It's a combination of all the drugs in his body as well as his screwy schedule that won't allow him to eat or drink the day of a surgery after which he doesn't want to eat anyway. And then just when he gets ready to want to eat, it's time to stop eating to get ready for another procedure. He was so frustrated with that tube going in his right nostril and down his throat that it put him in a cranky mood...which changed. The last moments of Bryson's day was a witness to the power of the church for each of us. Sometimes we get so disenchanted with church because of something we don't like--a pastor, the music, programs/lack of programs, facilities--that we move from church to church or at least don't connect with a church well enough. Bryson's actions tonight would have called that so short-sighted. He was still in a grumpy mood at 8:30pm as the lady said over the pa system, "Visitation hours are now closed." That was when Andi, Brady, and Brandt arrived--three of his buddies from church. It wasn't a present or a balloon, it wasn't a report of good health or dismissal from the hospital. What changed his day was his church friends. For most all of the 30 minutes they were they, it may as well have been an empty room with no presents, movies, or candy. All those kids needed were each other. When their time came to an end, Bryson received and reciprocated and embrace from each of them, and even gave Andi a kiss. He didn't want them to leave...and neither did I because there is nothing like seeing your son so happy. I'm enamored by the outpouring of love our family has received from the church across the states and even stretching into Australia, Denmark, and China. The presents, cards, balloons, and food have been great, but the greatest gift we've recieved has been the Church. And no disagreement over pastors, music, programs, or facilities can ever, should ever, or will ever stand in the way. And in times like the one we're in, it becomes increasingly clear why. Beau 9/24/07 Friday 9:00am With every up comes a down...but this one wasn't nearly as low. Last night was the first full night Nicole spent in the hospital room. I spent the last two and told her how easy they were so she gave it a shot. I didn't lie, really, but it wasn't near as easy as my experience was. She told me she was up every hour. At 11pm his little blood vessel the IV was in burst so 1 hour later the doctor arrived to change locations. His poor hand was all puffed up and he was crying in so much pain. Then, when trying to change locations, they burst another blood vessel before finally getting a new location for an IV. Since he'll be in here for a while longer, they are now talking about giving him all his meds orally. If you've ever watched us try to give Bryson oral meds, you know nothing but torture awaits us all...especially Bryson. Later in the night, he began to complain that his tummy hurt. Nicole figured he had to go "dirty" which Bryson thought, too. But while preparing for the transfer, they discovered his catheter was kinked and not draining which was causing all the pain. So Bryson is out now and we suspect he will be for sometime except for getting some meds real soon here, physical therapy at 11am, and some work on his thigh at 1pm. Nicole is exhausted. Beau 8/23/07 Thursday 9:30pm As we sat in the waiting room during the wee hours of Saturday morning, waiting to see our son for the first time after the tragedy, the same fear was running rampant in both Nicole's and my mind. We knew the time would come when Bryson would begin asking what happened to his foot and leg and we weren't sure what we were going to say or how were would respond. We dreaded the moment we'd have to cross that bridge. Well... Bridge Crossed. Yesterday, Nicole spent some quality time talking to Bryson, trying to get him to open up about his leg without bluntly asking him about it. It was suggested to us by the psychologist that we allow Bryson to make the first move. But the conversation went nowhere. This morning as she was getting ready, Nicole spent some quality time in fervent prayer pleading to God to allow for the moment to come soon before physical therapy at 11am where, one way or another, he was going to face reality head on. When Nicole told Bryson he was going to have to get out of bed, he got scared. When asked why, Bryson said he was afraid his leg that was "broke" was going to bleed. Nicole reassured him it wouldn't. Bryson then asked if he could see it. Still before therapy, Nicole told Bryson he'd be getting a new leg and Bryson said, "I don't want a new leg...I want my old orange leg and my old orange foot." (Orange being his understanding of his skin color.) During therapy, we were so proud of our angel who sat on a small bench so well. (Sitting up was to help work his stomach muscles.) As he played a few games with the therapist, naturally winning every one, Nicole had to cry as she saw only one fot on the floor stretching out of the blue hospital gown. Then the moment of truth: Bryson would have to stand for the first time with the support of a walker. Mind you, when told earlier he was going to have to do this, Bryson said you need two feet to stand. (DUH!) But that trooper made me so proud as through his cries accompanied with tears streaming from his eyes, Bryson stood up to the walker. I couldn't keep the tears back as I saw only 5 feet: four of the walkers and only one of my son's. Later that evening, his processing continued. He told his Grandma Hummel (I think) that he didn't have a foot. Then, pointing to the two nurses working in his room he continued, "They took it." And even later still, in a conversation with his Aunt Brianne (Hummel) Liddick, Bryson said this: "Aunt B, I don't have a foot anymore. But that's ok; I'm gonna get a new foot ." God does make all things new...that includes our faith in Him and little boys' feet. Beau 8/23/07 Thursday :10:05 Bryson will start going through rehab at 11:00 am today. If he doesn't understand the full scope of his injury yet he probably will by then. They will try to use a walker because he is too young for crutches. Please Pray!!! 8/23/07 Thursday 8:00 am Thanks again everbody for you continued prayers. Everyday when I look back I am more and more amazed at how God saved Bryson's life. We had some good reports today as to how Bryson's leg, toes, and private areas are healing, but we are overwhelmed by the thought of figuring out things when we return
As great as yesterday was, that's how greatly frustrating today was. At times we we're brought to tears watching Bryson grow frustrated with his situation. The psycologist told us that people who go through life-changing stressful situations need control and predictabiltiy because contol and predictibility of life have been lost. Bryson could find neither today. Around 10am they changed his IV and put it in the crease of his right arm...the arm he uses most. Not only did it hurt, but they expeted him to keep it straight to get the medication going into him. (How can you ask an active 4 year old to keep his arm straight?) So with kinks constantly forming in his IV line, he wasn't getting the pain medication he needed. Around noon he got moved out of the ICU. Under most circumstances, this is great as it means he's getting better...but the change of rooms meant a new environment and a loss of security for Bryson. 3 hours later ICU asked for their bed back so they changed Bryson's bed (notice a loss of control/predictibility pattern here?) which went from a standard bed with a mattress to one with an air mattress. It was for his benefit, but it felt different, wierd, out of control. This left our gem of a son incredibly irratable: yelling at nurses, visitors (even his Grandpa Hummel whom he has nothing but affection for), and his parents for things as simple as not looking at the television when he said to. Good news though: For lunch and supper he finally got solid food and naturally ate his meal of choice...CHICKEN (nuggets) AND FRIES! He ate well, keeping all the food down along with juices and jello. Tomorrow morning he'll be going into surgery again where the doctors will look for any infections, clean his wounds, and give him fresh bandages. Until tomorrow. Beau. |
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